Uninteresting

Day 117

Breakfast: NONE
Mid-afternoon snack: NONE
Lunch: turkey chili
Dinner: 3 hot dogs and cabbage salad
Dessert: apple pie with ice cream

Day 118

Breakfast: NONE
Mid-afternoon snack: NONE
Lunch: mini sandwiches, meatballs, cake, and cookies
Dinner: NONE
Dessert: popcorn and 2 of my favorite milk&white chocolate cookies

My diet was shot this weekend, but I had a good time. I'm in an awful mood right now so I won't make you read through another negative post. Had a great time at the wedding shower thrown today. It was nice to see everyone get together to celebrate.

Wish I could've studied like everyone else got to this weekend, but I hope know God's got my back.

Luke and I are really missing Braylen. I think part of my bad mood is due to the fact that I haven't seen him in what feels like forever (aka 30+ hours). Oh, and that I don't get to see him tomorrow either. Cool.

Before I whine about anything else I'm going to say goodnight..

'Night y'all.

Victoria's Secret Lost an Angel Tonight

Day 116

Breakfast: eggs
Mid-morning snack: NONE
Lunch: salad, an apple, and a pear
Dinner: fried rice, rice noodles and beef and broccoli
Dessert: Reese's egg

Wow, what a nice way to end the week!

1. I finally, after what feels like an eternity (okay, maybe only a couple months) of entering blog contests/giveaways, WON a $100 credit for http://www.wallquotes.com from Young House Love!!!! I opened the email in the middle of class and I almost blurted out a combination of "WOO HOO!" and tears of joy! I've never won anything like this, so this was, like... The surprise of a century! Not to mention that when I read about the giveaway on the blog, I actually went to WallQuotes and picked out a few decals I loved. I guess when you prepare your field to receive the rain... 
2. Then I got to have lunch with an old high school friend of mine who I haven't gotten to catch up with since a year or so before the wedding. It was so nice to sit with her and chat like we used to just a few years ago at Cameron(although it seems like much longer). I missed her friendship, and it was great to catch up. Even if, the bittersweet reality of the situation is that we will likely see each other even less now that she's graduating in just a few weeks. It's nice to know that some friendships can pick up where they left off, even if you don't talk in years. 
3. Braylen has the day off, so we went out to dinner together (surprise, surprise). We ended up going to our favorite Chickasha Chinese place and I ate the heck out of some fried rice. Gahhh it's just so tasty!! 
4. Before eating we went to Cato's to spend the $60 gift card I won through the Biggest Winner competition we participated in earlier this year. I bought 2 shirts, slack capris, jeans (for $7.99!), and a necklace. Then (on top of that!) after dinner we went over to Maurice's so I could get a few more of the camisoles I bought last week with Robin. She had spent enough at our last trip to earn several of the Hip Chips (which give you 20% per chip per item) and punch through a whole punch card, and she graciously decided to give me the filled out punch card and 7 of the Hip Chips. When we got there today, much to my surprise, I learned that the Hip Chips expire on May 1st... So of course I had to do more shopping to get the discounts before they expire!! I bought 2 camisoles, 2 cardigans, and 4 shirts. One of the shirts I bought there didn't end up fitting once I got home (I had picked it up after I finished trying on everything else as we were on the way to the counter... Didn't feel like turning around and trying it on) so I gave it to Beki. I am so pumped about getting new clothessssss!! The only thing I'm not as excited about is the fact that, although I can now buy some shirts in large instead of XL, my pant size hasn't change. Which means, I'll have to buy all new clothes (at least pants) in a few more months. That is definitely not exciting, considering my little wardrobe expansion today cost me nearly $200, but I guess, at least, I'll be buying new clothes for good reason!
5. I got together with a friend after leaving Maurice's to work on a project for school. Despite getting off to an extremely rough start (i.e. having to start over after working on it for two hours and then her having to clean the feces her gorgeous toddler lovingly spread throughout her room) we actually we able to get it done! This is definitely a relief going into the weekend... I was sure I'd be working on it for much longer than just a few hours! 

To document the happiness of new clothes, I had Husband take my photograph. (Sigh). We kind of need to work on his picturing skills. (Note: I typed "picturing" fully expecting I would have to click "Ignore Spelling" when it told me it was a bogus word. However, apparently "picturing" is a legitimate lexeme [which I just looked up as an antonym for "word" because I sometimes like to use obscure words to make myself sound intelligent] End note.) Anyways.... Boy doesn't take good pictures. 

Or maybe I don't take good pictures? 

You decide...

Kinda Blurry.
Not smiling enough.

Even more blurry.
Smiling way too much (ignore the double chin).

The blurriest.
What's with my head being cocked?

Weird lighting (not Braylen's fault).
My face looks awkward (wth else is new?).

Okay well I guess it's decided... I should never ask Braylen to take my picture again. And I should never request to be the sole focus of pictures again. Damnit. This really ruins my plans to be an international bikini and Victoria's Secret supermodel. 

What will I do with my life now? 

'Night y'all! 

Average

Day 115

Breakfast: yogurt
Mid-morning snack: a sliced apple
Lunch: taco meat, 1/2 tomato, and salsa
Dinner: romaine and spinach salad with grape tomatoes and feta cheese
Dessert: yogurt and granola (b/c I couldn't resist the granolaaaaa)

Another day of class/clinic gone by. I'd like to say something exciting happened or share a funny anecdote from my day with you... But I got nothin'. And, ya know... I'm kinda fine with that. I live a blessed life, and my normal days are better than some people's best. I am thankful that I get to have another day of Great go by.

'Night y'all!

How was your day?

Everyday Conversation

Day 114

Breakfast: eggs w/onion
Mid-morning snack: a pear and Reese's egg
Lunch: taco salad, an apple, and a Reese's egg
Dinner: turkey and swiss panini (no mayo) with steamed broccoli from A&E
Dessert: carrot spice cake

I forgot to mention yesterday that when I weighed in, to no one's surprise, I'd gained 1.2 lbs. I was actually more shocked that I didn't lose more. But, can't complain about that! So far (aside from the Easter candy here and there) I've done pretty good this week. I have to lose between now and May 21st if I want to feel amazing in my MoH dress. It's nice to have a goal to work for... Helping with the motivation! After the Biggest Winner competition, I think we both kind of lost sight of what we were headed towards because we didn't have that drive to do well each week. Not that I've lost control of the diet since it ended, but I've definitely strayed from the vast progress I was making each week. I think the motivation is comin' back to me now, though... Fear not! Reaching that 45 lb mark (and soon the 50 lb mark!) was definitely an eye-opener for me. I need several of those, apparently, to stay on track. I know I can make it if I just keep it up. Who cares if I didn't follow the diet as well last week? I haven't forgotten everything this journey's taught me, and I know I'm not back at square one.

Just gotta keep reminding myself what Braylen said the other day... "It's not a race."
He's so smart.

Speaking of him, he said something today that made me laugh.

Well, okay... It didn't make me laugh at the time cos I was pouting (he was leaving for work and I always turn into a 2 year old when I have to say goodbye... I'm thinking it's some kind of medical condition or something) but I definitely made a mental note that it had to be added to the list of Braylenisms. And, of course, it has to be shared with you. So here goes...

Him: You're the best, baby. (he says this all the time)

Me: Why? (I say this all the time)

Him: Because one day you're going to have a baby in your belly and it will be ours and you'll push it through a place that isn't big enough for it to be pushed through and that's one of the things that makes you the best. (too graphic?)

Me: ... If you even give me a baby. (I said I was pouty, right?)

Him: Oh, you're gonna get a baby! One day, I'm gonna make you so stinkin' pregnant you're gonna say "... Wow. I'm really pregnant." 

And then we kissed and said goodbye.

.... An everyday conversation in the home of the Rogers family.

Welcome to our world.



'Night y'all!

Philippians 4:13

Day 113

Breakfast: NONE
Mid-morning snack: a Kinder egg and bliss chocolate egg. Oops.
Lunch: chicken and sauteed veggies
Dinner: romaine and spinach salad with grape tomatoes and feta cheese
Dessert: yogurt

Looking back, this weekend served as a little miniature vacation. I thought about school about 1.5% of the time and got to spend the rest of the time with family and friends. It was amazing. And then I got to school today.

Everyone was talking about projects and presentations and finals and clinic and I'm just over it. I don't want to think about this stuff anymore, much less talk about it. Dwelling on this stuff 24/7 is really stressing me out, and I'm sick of it. Hearing all the talk today caused me to have severe anxiety, and I just praise God that my kid cancelled at clinic because I couldn't stop shaking, feeling nauseated, and feeling dizzy. After I left, I got some errands taken care of for the bachelorette party, then went grocery shopping (finally). When I got home I cleaned out the fridge, took out the trash, put away the groceries, made my dinner, and made lunch for tomorrow. Now I'm taking a little break before getting started on my presentation due Thursday and filling out a take-home quiz for tomorrow. Getting things done and having a clean house has really helped calm me down, thank goodness.

It's been over a year since I had feelings like I had today... Feeling like I'm headed toward the wrong profession, that I've wasted everyone's time, like I'm wasting thousands of dollars on school. There's too much pressure. I want to be finished with this. I'm so tired of talking about projects. So tired of trying to block everyone out because otherwise I'll get overwhelmed. Thank God I had that break this weekend. And thank God there's only one more full week before finals. I don't know how much more of this I can take.

Waiting for my kid, before I found out he cancelled, all I could think in my head was Philippians 4:13... "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." I think this is going to have to be my mantra for the next two and a half weeks.

'Night y'all!

Easter Sunday

Day 112

Breakfast: yogurt and granola
Mid-afternoon snack: NONE
Lunch: BBQ, baked beans, deviled eggs, spinach and strawberry salad, dinner rolls
Dessert1: shortcake w/fruit salad and dollop of cool whip
Dinner: ham, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole
Dessert2: 2 Kinder eggs

Well, there's not too much left to say about this week's failed attempt at dieting. The scale will show it tomorrow, and I'll have to lose pounds again that I've gained back... But, as husband says, "it's not a race."

Today was another amazing day. After sleeping in, we got up and went to church with Braylen's mom. Then had lunch at his Papaw's house and visited there for a little while. We then headed over to my parents' house... The boys watched the tail end of the Rangers game, then I took a nap. We ate dinner and watched Schindler's List (of all movies?) because Braylen hadn't seen it before. Afterwards, we came home and now we're about to head to bed.

I am sorry posts have been so boring lately.. And also that they've been posted so late. The past week has just been insanity, and I'm not sure it's going to be slowing down anytime in the next couple of weeks. Hang in there with me, please!

I hope you all had a blessed Easter!

'Night y'all!

"Happy Easter!" from the Rogers family!
(Thanks for the basket, Mom!)

Easter Eve

Day 111

Breakfast: eggs and yogurt
Mid-afternoon snack: NONE
Lunch: chicken salad sandwich, 2 deviled eggs, and egg salad w/a couple chocolate chip cookies
Dinner: grilled chicken, grilled zucchini, cooked broccoli and carrots, and noodles w/velveeta cheese
Dessert: popcorn

Okay, I realize in the past week, a majority of my food posted has been junk. I figure it's still important to keep track... So the inevitable weight gain will make much more sense.

Today was great! We woke up late, ate breakfast, packed up, and headed down to my MIL's house. We dropped Luke off there then went to my FIL's wife's family's Easter egg hunt (did that make any sense?), where we ate lunch. After a couple of hours, we headed back to my MIL's for the evening. We played a game after dinner (which I sucked at, but somehow won?) and then Husband and I went to the movies and saw Scream 4. To be honest, it was actually not that bad. ha.

Now we're back at Robin's (my MIL), everyone else is asleep, and I think we're headed there very soon. Looking forward to church tomorrow and more family time!

'Night y'all!

Graduation Day

Day 110

Breakfast: NONE
Mid-morning snack: NONE
Lunch: NONE
Dinner: (at around 5:30) sandwich w/chocolate chip cookies
Dinner2: (at around 10 PM) turkey and swiss w/grilled veggies from A&E
Dessert: NONE

Today was all sorts of crazy for my diet (obviously). This week has just been awful, and with two Easter celebrations coming up, the chaos continues. I'm definitely gaining weight this weekend, and I've come to terms with it. Next week is a new week, and I can't let this little setback hinder future progress.

This morning I spent about 4 hours cleaning the living room, dining room, and kitchen... Then my MIL came over around 1 PM or so. We went clothes shopping b/c she wanted to treat me to a new outfit for making it past the 100 day mark on the diet. She bought me a pair of capris, two shirts, and a camisole. I'm way excited cos the shirts are size Large instead of XL, and they look good on me (if I do say so myself). Finally coming around to the idea that I look better (as opposed to just feeling better).

After coming home and getting ready, we headed over to Bray's family's funeral home down the street cos they were having a pre-graduation party for his brother. This is where I had the sandwich and amazing cookies made by my MIL. Then we headed over to the graduation, where we watched my BIL and two very good friends become college graduates! I just love the excitement of graduation... And it made me look that much more forward to next year when both Braylen and I graduate!

We also found out after the ceremony that Husband made an A on his final he took this morning!!! I was so proud I'm pretty sure I told everyone before he could get a word in. Only two people in the class made an A, and my best friend was one of them!! I am so excited for him! =]

Afterwards we came home and watched Splice (what a stinkin' weird movie) and then our friends Matt and Beki came over for the night. Beki is one of our good friends who graduated tonight (congratulations, again!) and she's also going to be living with us for the next two weeks until her apartment unit is open. Very excited to have some company when Braylen's out working nights!!

Now we're about to head to bed. Before I say goodnight though.. I have to share this with you because it melts my heart every time...

My BIL's girlfriend's precious baby boy, Makisig (aka, my nephew).
He's so proud of Daddy for graduating today!!

If that doesn't make you smile, I don't know what will, folks. 

'Night y'all! 

The Man I Love

Day 109

Breakfast: parfait from McDonald's
Mid-afternoon snack: NONE
Lunch: grilled chicken sandwich and waffle fries from Chic-Fil-A
Dinner: blackened chicken sandwich and sweet potato fries from Cheesecake Factory
Dessert: NONE

(Wow. Just realized we ate out every meal today. Win, Rogers family. Go to the dang grocery store, Kaycie!)

This post will be about The Man I Love
     (disregard this post if you don't want to read mush)

The Man I Love goes above and beyond to join me in the things that make me happy.

He took a picture with me, even though he hates getting his picture taken - 7/14/10

The Man I Love speaks eloquently and proudly about the hardships he's overcome.

The most handsome groom I could hope for - 5/7/10
photocredit: Lezlie Andrew Photography

The Man I Love makes me laugh when all I want to do is break down.

Engagement photo
photocredit: Brooke Turney Photography

The Man I Love goes shopping for a bridesmaid dress and bachelorette party supplies with me even when he has gotten zero sleep in 24 hours.

New Years Eve celebration (albeit a little late) - 1/2/11

The Man I Love lets our puppy rest his head on his lap while sitting uncomfortably on the floor.

Have you ever seen a cuter 80 lb puppy?

The Man I Love takes an upper level class while working a strenuous manual labor full time job to support me while I finish school.

Workin' hard for the money.

The Man I Love realizes that his hardships have made him stronger and made him the man he is today...

and he is The Man I Love.

Rangers game - 10/16/10

Praise

Day 108

Breakfast: NONE
Mid-morning snack: NONE
Lunch: turkey chili
Dinner: dinner roll
Dessert: peanut butter and brownie batter frozen yogurt from Orange Leaf

ATTENTION: Having a dinner roll for dinner is not at all advisable. It was entirely unintentional and I realize I ate very little today. It is not my goal to diet by starvation and I do not recommend the meals I ate today (aside from the turkey chili) as a healthy way to lose weight. My day did not go as planned, and I had no choice (unless I wanted to eat dinner past midnight, which is not an option, in my opinion).

Okay, now that that's out of the way...

I had an excellent morning. After waking up at my own time (no alarm) I went to Cato's to give in and finally buy new dress pants. The pair I've had since around Christmastime no longer fit me (as in, to keep them pulled up I had to actually push out my stomach), so I went to get new ones. I bought the same style of pant as the one I already had only in a smaller size. (Do you have your drums rolling?) I've gone down TWO SIZES from the pants I had before. Now, granted, that puts me at the dreaded size 18 (the size I'm afraid I'll be stuck in for the rest of my adult life), but I'm just glad I'm down at all!

Anyways, after buying The Pants That Fit Me in All the Right Places, I ate a lunch lovingly prepared by my wonderful husband, and then headed to class/clinic. Well, I got an unpleasant observation report from my supervisor and (ya know how the little things build until you have a mental breakdown? No, that doesn't happen to you? Ugh...) I kind of lost it. I definitely wouldn't call it anywhere close to my worst breakdown.. In fact, I didn't even manage to get a good cry out of it (unfortunately... I need one of those)... But it put me over the edge just enough to merit a spur of the moment trip to see one of my best friends up in Edmond. We spent the day talking and gossiping and ranting and laughing like we always do and it was just what I needed. I don't ever realize how much I miss girl talk until I actually get to experience it. Seeing Haley a few days ago and then Jess today really makes me appreciate (and miss immensely) my girlfriends.

So I left her house shortly before 11 PM and got on the road before realizing I had yet to turn in the stupid research paper I've been having a stroke over for the past two weeks (that was due by midnight tonight). And I knew I wouldn't make it home in time to submit it, so I turned around and went back to her house so I could get online and submit it. Praise God that I had my laptop with me (because I hadn't emailed it to myself and it's only on my computer). Praise God that I realized I needed to do it before I got halfway home (because it HAD to be turned in no later than midnight tonight). Praise God that Jess let me borrow her internet so that I could get online and submit it. PRAISE GOD I actually had the paper done (even though I didn't get to go over it again like I wanted to) because that would have, well, just been unthinkable.

Praise God.

I am happy to be home. Luke didn't pee his crate while I was gone. My husband's coming to school with me tomorrow. I get to see another good friend tomorrow to shop for the bachelorette party we're cohosting. Life is fan-stinkin'-tastic.

Praise. God.

What are you thankful for today?

Nonfiction

Day 107

Breakfast: Kefir smoothie
Mid-morning snack: NONE
Lunch: romaine salad w/feta cheese, apple, and yogurt
Dinner: spinach artichoke dip appetizer, backyard burger and fries from A&E
Dessert: heath & Reese's mix from Braum's

Truth: I ate way too much today. End of story.
Truth: My husband is goofy, but he's also one of the best men I know.
Truth: I really do love my cat, even if she gets on my nerves lately.
Truth: Sometimes I am unpleasant to be around. It's been happening more and more lately.
Truth: Sleeping is one of my favorite past times. It's what I want to be doing right this second.
Truth: I am a good friend. Maybe it takes longer to see that, but I am.
Truth: I am still a food addict. (See: my dinners for the past two evenings)
Truth: I want to be pregnant right now. More. Than. Anything.
Truth: My eyelids are drooping, and it's only 8 PM.
Truth: I stopped at Braum's to get a mix on the drive home because I was getting tired and Braylen didn't want me to crash.
Truth: I wake up for ice cream.
Truth: Bray and I have the same hair dresser. We like him.
Truth: Lucas, our puppy, is 81.4 lbs (as of last night).
Truth: I'm not sure how much longer I can stay awake tonight.
Truth: I've exaggerated the truth lately, so I thought tonight I'd set a few things straight.

'Night y'all!

Temper Tantrums

Day 106

Breakfast: eggs and a yogurt
Mid-morning snack: NONE
Lunch: grilled chicken breast with veggies lovingly prepared by my wonderful husband
Dinner: chicken strips and french fries from Chicken Express
Dessert: NONE

Yay!! Success!! I lost another 3.8 pounds this past week! That brings my grand total to exactly 46 lbs lost! Very happy with that and excited to reach 50!

So yeah, we had Chicken Express today. What of it? It's Bray's night off and I now have 6 days to work it off before the next weigh-in. It was yummmmmmy, too!

Something just happened that I feel I need to share with you. First, let me tell you a story...

In clinic, I am seeing a 4 year old boy who likes to throw temper tantrums when I don't let him play basketball or baseball every second of the session and ask him to actually do, ya know... work. Anyways, his tantrums are always the same.. He's "crying" but there are no tears. And what really puts him over the edge is when I ignore him (which is my version of "time out" for him, because it does the trick so perfectly). He goes nuts. Absolutely bonkers when I stop paying attention to him. I go so far as to not even look at him. Just let him cry and cry (and I use the term "cry" loosely) before he finally gives up and says "I'm ready!" and goes back to his smiling and adorable self.

Now, let me tell you what just happened in my house. With my 26 year old husband. (Keep in mind, this happens on a near daily basis). I'm attempting to write my blog. He comes over whining because I haven't kissed him enough and demands a kiss. I refuse because
1) I'm in the middle of something,
B) I like to watch him whine, and
III) Ignoring him makes him whine more.

Which makes for a really good blog parallel. If I ignore the temper tantrum, it becomes exponentially worse before they ("they" being my 4-year old client and my 26-year old husband) figure out that crying will get you no where with me. I just love finding similarities between my husband and preschoolers (and Luke).

Sigh... I just love that man. He's cute and he makes me laugh.

Day 105

Day 105

Breakfast: NONE
Mid-afternoon snack: yogurt and banana
Lunch: turkey chili
Dinner: eggs, romaine and spinach salad w/feta cheese, grape tomatoes, and onion
Dessert: yogurt

Okay, so I guess the search is still on for a church home. We went to Church Number Three for the second time this morning and although I still really like the Sunday school class, I was disappointed again with the morning service. We'll keep looking and if nothing else clicks, we'll go back again. But I just want to see what else is out there!

After we got back from church and ate lunch we went to sleep. I slept until 3:30!!! Ughh I know I shouldn't have, but man did it feel good! So then I got up, helped Bray get ready to leave for work, and now here I am. Going to be working on the paper and getting it finished up for the rest of the night. Only two more pages to go!

After a weekend of constant sleep, I'm kinda worried how I'm gonna be physically/mentally able to get through the week. I know God will help me be able to do it, I just hope I can stay positive about it and not be grouchy. We'll seeeeee!!

Oh my, weigh-in in the morning. I know I've lost, but I'm curious to see just how much! Say a prayer!

Sorry this update sucks... I've had a pretty fantastically boring weekend!

A Miracle Has Happened

Have any of you been watching the new show on OWN (ugh... Still hate she has her own network now) called Addicted to Food? Oh man. Tennie McCarty is a wonderful Southern woman, no? I just want to sit on a porch and drink lemonade with her and talk and cry and laugh about everything in my puny little head. But that's beside the point. I just love this show. She said something today that really got to me... Here's a conversation she had with a woman who had wanted to leave recovery to go home but decided not to...

Tennie: So, show us, today, right now, this minute.. what is foremost in your mind?
Tanisha: My recovery.
Tennie: Good for you. But yesterday, in the depths of the pain what did you wanna do?
Tanisha: I wanted to go to get me some spicy fried chicken.
Tennie: Did you do it?
Tanisha: No.
Tennie: And you could have left here. We would've put you on a plane yesterday. Did you do it?
Tanisha: No
Tennie: And that is the miracle. A miracle happened yesterday. And it happened for all of you. Every minute that you go without practicing your addiction, a miracle has happened. 


So happy for the miracles God's given to me in the past 104 days. I've missed out on a few, but I know He has so much more to show me in the days to come. Looking forward to seeing more and more of His miracles.

I'm Taken, Boys

Day 104

Breakfast: eggs w/onion and ketchup (Bray's a pro at making eggs now) and a yogurt
Mid-morning snack: NONE
Lunch: turkey chili
Dinner: romaine and spinach salad w/feta cheese and grape tomatoes
Dessert: NONE

Wow, my schedule has somehow managed to get completely screwed in the two days I've been out of school. I went to bed last night at close to 2AM. This morning I got up when Braylen got home so I could have breakfast. Then we both went back to sleep at around 7:15. I woke up at about 10, was up for an hour, and then went back to sleep until about 1 o'clock. I didn't feel like cooking lunch though, so I just went to the library at my alma mater, worked on my paper for about 3 hours (sooooo helpful), then came home and ate lunch around 4:30. (I know... Lunch? At 4:30? ... I told you my schedule was off). Puppy and I just went for another interval walk/jog and now I'm sitting here wondering if I should even have that romaine/spinach salad. I just ate two hours ago! Sigh... Gotta start going to bed earlier...

Anyways, back to that jog... They're going so much better than that first time! I don't know what I did wrong the first time, but none of the times I've jogged since then have been that bad! I wouldn't say it's my favorite way to work out, but it's definitely one of the more satisfying. Luke's such a good jogging partner, too. Although sometimes I have to kick the back of his heels to get him to speed up a little bit (can you believe he's the slow one, of the two of us?). He's a good pup though. The past few days it's been brought to my attention more and more how happy I am that he's my pooch. He's a pretty darn good one.

Except for when he drinks his water really fast after we go walking, pukes on the floor, and then drinks it again. I mean... At least he cleans up after himself. Can't say the same for Kit-Kat.

I just want it to be made known that today when I came home from the library, Braylen was in the kitchen doing dishes... Without me having asked him to do so! I was so happy. He didn't finish them (which was kinda sad), but he did some of them, and I'd say that's progress!

OH, I also want it to be made known that when Puppy and I were less than five minutes into our walk/jog this evening, one of my neighbors down the street (although I never did look to see who it was) whistled at me. At least, I'm going to assume it was towards me... Because I so often get whistled at when I walk past, you know. Especially when I'm wearing capri leggings that cling to my hefty thighs, an extremely baggy hoodie, and my hair's up in a messy knotted bun. That's when all the guys want me.

It's really kinda pathetic, boys...

'Night y'all!

Sticky Situation

Day 103

Breakfast: yogurt
Mid-morning snack: NONE
Lunch: cheeseburger w/fries, diet DP, and a heath/Reese's mix from Braum's
Dinner: NONE
Dessert: mint chocolate Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich

Bray and I decided to do our cheat day like we envisioned from the beginning: we'll cheat in between the third and first cycles (after we've finished the third cycle and before we officially begin the first cycle again). So we went out! And, man, was it a lot of food! We ate late, at around 2:30 and I was full the rest of the day (thus no dinner)!!! I'm feeling really good about this week's weigh-in and feeling even better about next week's (after I've had a full week of cycle 1 food only). Very excited to see the progress continue, and I have a small victory to share: I remembered I had a bag of old jeans in the closet that I haven't worn in forever. They didn't necessarily stop fitting... I just never unpacked them from when we moved in our house almost a year ago. Most of them aren't jeans you'd wear in public (i.e. they have paint stains or holes and have been used as "Mexico jeans" [jeans I wore in Mexico when we went for mission trips]) but a few pair were actually pretty well in-tact so I thought I'd try them on. There were two pair that were the style I like (flare) and had stopped fitting me a while ago... And they both went on smoothly! One of them I'm gonna keep in the "Mexico jean" stack cos they have holes (does anybody else wear holes in their jeans from where their thighs rub together, or is it just me? Anyone? No? Crickets? Damn....), but the other pair I put in my dresser because once I lose probably ten more pounds, they'll fit perfectly! I could button them today, but they were pretty darn snug... just give me another few weeks though, and I'll be back in my old style of jean! Very excited. It's been a while since flares fit me and I've been having to resort to boot cut (which I really don't like). Woo hoo!

The weird thing is that every pair of jeans I tried on and the pairs I wear now are all the same size. I've worn 18 probably since the beginning of high school. It's weird that although every pair was the same size, they didn't all fit (especially because I buy my jeans from the same place, every time). Not only that, but an 18 in boot cut fits but not an 18 in flare. Sigh... I don't understand clothing companies.

Today was fantastic, did I mention that? I got to spend the morning/afternoon sleeping in late with my husband (which was soooooooooo nice). Then we went and grabbed lunch, ate while we watched a Netflix movie (The Rainmaker), he went to work, and my good friend Haley came over. We worked on homework (I got another page and a half written on the paper and weeded out the unnecessary info!) and got caught up on each other's lives, which was so nice!! OH, and I got some amazing, fantastic, 100% exciting news from a very good friend of mine who shall remain nameless and it really just made my day!! Can't wait to meet little miss or mister!!!

All in all I have zero complaints today, aside from that the weather today was horrendous. Oklahoma has been especially dry this year (as in, our part of the state hasn't seen rainfall in months) and today, winds were up to crazy speeds. This equals lots and lots of uncontrollable grass fires. It was pretty scary to hear how close it got to so many houses. I didn't hear of any homes or buildings actually catching fire, and I pray that they were able to stop them before it happened. Just keep us in your prayers, y'all! Bring on the rain, God!

To end on a bright note (although it wasn't very bright for me) before I started this post I was folding and putting away laundry. We had a mouse problem last year and we still have some sticky traps set up throughout the house. Can you guess what happened? There was one in the closet. We'd managed to avoid stepping on it all this time, but today... My foot met the moth-clad sticky trap with my full weight behind it. Half of my foot was covered in the sticky goop, and it took me scrubbing it in the shower and wiping it down with Goo Gone (which is an amazing product, by the way) before it stopped being sticky. It. Was. Guh-ross!!

I thought you would enjoy that. It's my gift to you.

'Night y'all!

Late: Day 102

Day 102

Breakfast: yogurt and granola and toast w/margarine
Mid-afternoon snack: NONE
Lunch: turkey and cheese sandwich w/banana and apple
Dinner: cheese ravioli in a "nest of pasta" from Zio's in Bricktown w/a strawberry daiquiri and bread
Dessert: popcorn!!

Sorry I didn't post last night. By the time we got back from our date night I was too pooped to update. Please forgive! We had a great night, and I'm so glad we got to spend time together before school really gets into crunch time (AKA, now).

So, what did I do yesterday? Well, my first two classes were such a huge, mind-blowing waste of time (literally, we did nothing) that I decided to skip my last two. Don't try to make sense of that... Just know that I've never skipped a class in grad school before. I figured the time would be better spent running the few errands I needed to run before date night and paper-writing chaos ensues. I planned on going home and working on my paper during what would have been class time, but Husband was home when I got there (I thought he would still be in Duncan after the dentist appointment he had) and I can't ever get anything done when he's home. 1) Because we don't often get to spend time together during the day, and 2) Because, well, that's all. I just miss him.

We went to Walmart and got some essentials we'd been missing from the house (Oh, and I bought an adorable onesie that I just couldn't pass up. It's red and says "Mommy's Little Alarm Clock" or something like that. Too cute) and then came home. I went to Tan & Tone and we took Luke for a Puppy Walk (because I knew we'd be going out later and I wanted to be sure and get in some good exercise) and then I showered and we left!

Zio's was amazing, as usual. And there was no line to get tickets for the first movie (Insidious) so we made it with time to spare! This first movie was reallllllly creepy, but we both liked it. The second movie (Hall Pass) was incredibly vulgar and raunchy, and yet, we both thought it was pretty hilarious and I actually somewhat liked the plot! (Note: Don't see if you're uncomfortable with nudity.)

The ride home felt relatively short, which was an added bonus. We got home and slepttttttttt (and man, did that feel good to sleep in!).

More about this morning when I post tonight!

Day 101

Day 101

Breakfast: yogurt and granola
Mid-morning snack: NONE
Lunch: turkey and cheese sandwich on wheat
Dinner: turkey and pepperjack sandwich on wheat w/lettuce, olives, and sweet onion sauce from Subway
Dessert: vanilla dish from Sonic

After class/clinic I realized on the way home that today I would get nothing productive done. Braylen has off tonight and tomorrow and I just know I won't be able to concentrate with him home. So, even though I may regret it later... we spent the evening in Lawton picking up my ring (which is beautiful again [for now]) and going to church with my parents and we will spend tomorrow night going to dinner, getting frozen yogurt at Marble Slab, and seeing not one, but TWO movies in OKC. Like I said... I may regret it later, but for now... I need some time with my best friend.

I can't tell you how many overwhelming responses of support and excitement I got from posting the progression pictures yesterday (I posted both on the blog and on my facebook page). I can't tell you how much the support helps me to keep going. This process is so hard to stick to, and I definitely make mistakes.. But knowing that I have so many people cheering me on and praying for my success really makes me strive to do my best! Thank you so much, everyone! You mean so much to me!!

Well, I just sat and stared at the rest of this blank space trying to figure out what to say, and realized I have way too much on my mind right now to talk about it all. So I'll do what I do best and make you a list.

1. This research paper is going to give me a stroke. Or a heart attack. Or both.
2. Planning a bachelorette party and helping plan a wedding shower is hard work. Makes me appreciate my mother and MIL (and many other amazing women) so much more for all they did for my own wedding. 
3. I can't wait to go to Dallas with my husband and get away from everything. We're staying in a hotel we already know we like that's less than 10 minutes from the Rangers Ballpark in Arlington (where we're going on May 29th to see them play the Royals) and Six Flags (where we're going with one of my best friends, Jessika and her boyfriend Kevin, on the 28th). I'm just so happy to get away... 
4. I'm also very much looking forward to celebrating Jessika's birthday with her (also in May),
5. Where will Braylen find his ideal job? Will it be in Oklahoma? Will we have to move out-of-state? Where will I work? Or will I work? When will we have kids? Where will we have kids? So many questions... 
6. Ctrl + Alt + Destroy Go check out their site on kickstarter.com and help them out by giving a donation. Any amount would be helpful... They need to reach a certain amount by a deadline or they can't begin production. Please take the time to check it out and consider helping them. I know it would be greatly appreciated! 

Anyways, lots to think about... But for now I'm callin' it a night... 

'Night y'all! 

Pictures of Progression

Day 100!!!

Breakfast: yogurt and granola
Mid-morning snack: banana
Lunch: pasta and asparagus and a sliced apple
Dinner: romaine and spinach salad w/feta cheese and grape tomatoes
Dessert: Skinny Cow mint chocolate ice cream sandwich

Okay, so I don't know what's coming over me, but I've decided to post my before/after pictures so far. I guess it's not really "after" since I'm not at all close to being finished, but these are pictures of progression. We've been taking them since the beginning and take pictures every 50 days. So I have days 1, 50, and now 100. I've been so looking forward to this day so I could take a picture and see the progress (not to mention I'm just psyched about reaching 100 days!) that I've decided to share them with you. And let me just add that I've not been this unclothed in public since my bikini-wearing days of, like, age 5. So I apologize. I'm only posting now because I really am proud of the changes happening to my body. I know it's not perfect yet, but I've worked really hard and I'm getting that much closer to be able to say, with all the confidence in the world, that I am beautiful. Another forewarning: I've been applying cocoa butter for the past month or so daily (usually multiple times, daily) so I'm workin' on the stretch mark problem. But I do apologize, cos they're stubbornly still stickin' around. Maybe, one day, they'll be less noticeable, but for now... I'm happy with where I'm at.

So, here goes nothin'...

Ya know that awkwardness you feel when you realize your fly is unzipped? That's kinda how I feel. ha. Trust me, it is not my "normal" to post pictures of me half-clothed for the world to see... But I'm hoping it will help me feel more confident. Maybe? We'll see... 

Anyways, today was a long day at school. I'm actually not feeling as tired as I have been in the evenings, so hopefully that means I can get a lot of work done on my paper?? We'll see on that, too... 

'Night y'all!


P.S. I realize my first pictures for days 1 and 50 look like straight-up mug shots. Please forgive. 

[Non]Manic Monday

Day 99

Breakfast: yogurt and granola
Mid-morning snack: NONE
Lunch: pita w/tuna salad, a banana, and yogurt
Dinner: romaine and spinach salad w/feta cheese and grape tomatoes with a turkey and cheese sandwich
Dessert: Skinny Cow mint chocolate ice cream sandwich

Had a great day today! I woke up dreading the scale, and turned out to have another loss week. It was, again, only 0.4 lbs, but I'm just so thankful I didn't gain. It actually was kind of uplifting because I really had a number of treats last week and to still have been able to maintain by weight is pretty darn encouraging. However, maintaining THIS weight is not anywhere near my goal, so I need to quit with the treats. But it is nice to know that when the time comes I will be able to manage the new number while still enjoying a few treats now and again.

After breakfast we went back to sleep and I slept until the last possible moment when I had to get up and head to school. Class went well and my kiddo actually showed up (and only 5 minutes late!) so that was nice. My grocery shopping was quick and easy b/c my list was so short, and I actually made it out of there in under $100, which has only happened once before. When I got home I was feeling motivated so I changed and went straight to Tan & Tone before I had a chance to talk myself out of it. I feel like every time I go there the machines feel more productive. I can feel my muscles working more and more, and I love it! I came home, ate dinner, watched Secret Life, and now I'm typing this on the kitchen counter because I'm making pasta and asparagus for our lunches tomorrow. Yum! Really looking forward to it!

I posted yesterday before I did my exercise, so I didn't get to share with you how big of a success it was! I went for an interval walk/jog with the pooch and, unlike last time, I didn't feel like dying afterwards! I really concentrated on taking my time with each stride and controlling my breathing... And I paced myself and took time to recover in between each job burst. Overall, I think it was much better for me at this point, and my throat didn't hurt at all from breathing, so that was a major plus! I actually wanted to do it again today, but figured I should probably take a trip to Tan & Tone since we pay for it and I hardly ever go (it was so much more convenient to go when I lived next door to the building).

Anyways, my water's boiling so I better go! Hoping I get some energy back tonight so I can at least get another paragraph or two into this paper.

'Night y'all!

A Man and His Dog

You know how they say dogs and owners tend to look alike?

I'm pretty sure the same is true for Braylen and Luke. Maybe not to the extent of the lower left picture, but there are definitely some family resemblances. And I feel like poking fun at my husband because he's not here to defend himself. =]

5 Similarities Between Braylen and Luke Puppy:

1) The most obvious: FEET. They both have massive feet that are too large for their bodies. This contributes largely to number 3.

2) Braylen and Luke are both avid leaners. They lean on anything and anyone. Braylen loves to get in people's space and give hugs or just lay all over you. Luke does the same thing on a much more destructive scale. Well, actually.. No, they're both pretty destructive. 

Ignore the stupid face I'm making, please.

3) But that constitutes another similarity: They are both incredibly, outrageously, extremely clumsy. If there is a drink on the coffee table, Luke will find it and knock it over with his tail. Inevitably. If Braylen and I are lying on the couch or in bed together, he will somehow manage to hit me, either with his bony knees or with his elbows. I tend to not take pictures after said-disasters, so I have nothing to show for this one. Please forgive.

4) They are both very absent-minded. Luke will get thrown a ball, go to try to find it, and then get distracted by a blade of grass. Or we'll yell at him for doing something or other and two seconds later he's completely forgotten about it and is ready to play. I've already mentioned how forgetful my husband is, so that need not be repeated. This is a good example of his absent-mindedness... The other day we were washing dishes together and I asked him to hand me the dirty plate on the counter right. in. front. of. him. So he hands me the cutting board. Really? Plate = cutting board? I think not.

(I also have no pictures for this.)

5) And because I'm not entirely mean, I'll share a positive similarity. They are both incredibly loyal to their family, while not being at all neglectful to people outside of the family. Luke loves Braylen and I so unconditionally, it's insane. He knows who we are and he loves being around us. That being said, he is also very excited anytime any other person comes around, be it family or friends. He never hesitates to share his love and happiness, which is exactly the same as my lovely husband. I've never met a man so forthcoming with hugs and so loving towards friends and family. Of course he's a die-hard family man, but he's also very friendly to friends and strangers, alike. 

I just love my boys, with all their imperfections and quirks. <3

Sunday, Sunday, Gettin' Down on Sunday.

(forgive the Rebecca Black reference)


Day 98


Breakfast: Fiber One 90 calorie chewy bar
Mid-morning snack: mini Reese's cup and a mini Hershey's bar 
Lunch: steak topped with grilled onion and mushrooms with corn and golden-crusted brussels sprouts
Dinner: romaine and spinach salad with feta cheese and grape tomatoes
Dessert: yogurt and a handful of chips and dip


We planned to have our steak dinner on Friday, but it kept getting put off until today, so those steaks had been marinating since Thursday night, people. Can you say juicy? Our lunch was quite delicious. Today was the first time Braylen and I had tried brussels sprouts since we were kids, so that was an experience. I'd also never cooked them before. It was very easy though, and although they were bitter, just like we knew they would be, it was actually really good! My favorite part though, aside from the steak, was the onion/mushroom topping for the steak. Delicioso! (I've been watching too much Dora lately, thanks to my dear friend Lisa and new BFF Mary Alice)

Anyways, this morning we actually got our butts out of bed early enough to check out Church Number Three's Sunday school. The class was really nice and the group leader was super friendly and had a really neat story about his daughter's adoption. I even really liked the lesson, which was an even bigger selling point! But then we went to the actual service. And let me say... I did like the service layout. I liked the praise team (even though I only knew a couple of the songs sang today) and the church is definitely geared towards newcomers, so we were welcomed by all and even received a welcome gift bag (thus the mini candy bars noted as a mid-morning snack) with a church mug and miniature bag of coffee. The pastor spotted us before Sunday school and personally escorted us to the class appropriate to our age group, so that was another huge selling point (especially in a church so stinkin' huge) and he was extremely nice. But here's the downside, for me... He only "preached" during the actual service for about 35 minutes, at most, and the "preaching" was basically just reading scripture and inviting people to be saved. Now, I'm not saying I don't think there's a time for invitationals, and I definitely have no problem with reading scripture... I was just hoping he'd add a little bit of a message in the midst of the scripture reading, ya know? We want to go back next week and see if it was just a fluke or if that's just what this church is about. I really hope that it was due to the fact that they just returned from a trip to Israel and he didn't have time to prepare a full sermon (although, I would think a trip like that would inspire sermons a-plenty, but what do I know?). We shall see! Not giving up on this particular church yet, because it was really a great group of people! 

When we got home, we cooked and ate lunch and then proceeded to take a 3 hour nap (or, at least, I did). ha. Oopsie! Now I'm feeling refreshed, and I'm hoping this will give me motivation to work on my paper, which I haven't had a chance to do since Thursday! Although, I also really need to clean the kitchen from lunch today.... Decisions, decisions... 

Um, who wants to pick up my ring for me in Lawton and bring it to me? Thanks! 

When we had our get-together on Thursday after Beki's recital, Braylen bought me a 12-pack of Diet DP. I fear this may have been a mistake, but I'm learning a valuable lesson from it! I've noticed that it is not, in any way, quenching my thirst. Many of you are probably slapping your forehead and saying "Duhhhh!", but I really never thought of it before. I kind of grew up with soda as my water, and it never occurred to me that the reason why I drank so many sodas was because I was looking for it to make me stop being so thirsty. I am noticing that it just doesn't work though. I can drink a 12 oz. can of Diet DP easily in 10-30 minutes (I mean, I could drink it faster, but if I'm going at a leisurely pace), whereas it takes me all morning, afternoon, and sometimes into the evening to drink a full 28 oz. water bottle of just water. Granted, it's obviously a bigger container, but I guarantee I drink the soda faster than the water. I love water (or I've grown to love water, anyway) so I really need to get back to just drinking sodas every once in a while. I don't wanna add on all that water weight I lost (although, that would give me a great number on the scale! ha). 

Speaking of the scale... I have a feeling we won't be friends in the morning. Sigh... Oh well. Next week is a brand new week and Husband and I have decided to get back to the heart of this diet and start out fresh! I'm really kind of excited! 

And now that I've rambled as much as I possibly can, I should probably go eat dinner so I can get started on writing that darn paper. 

'Night y'all! 

PS, this is part of the scripture we looked at in Sunday school... Love it! I know it's long, but I thought it was worth sharing with you, and I hope you have the time to read through it. It's my prayer for you and I this week! 

________________________________________________________

¹⁴ For this reason I kneel before the Father, ¹⁵ from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. ¹⁶ I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, ¹⁷ so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, ¹⁸ may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, ¹⁹ and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. ²⁰ Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, ²¹ to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

Ephesians 3: 14-21

Just Tango On

Day 97

Breakfast: yogurt and granola
Mid-morning snack: banana
Lunch: birthday cake, one slice of pepperoni pizza, and 2 cookies
Dinner: fried rice and beef and broccoli
Dessert: too many chips and dip

Ugh. My belly has been in a perpetual state of Full today and I feel like poooooop. However, I had an amazing day.

Highlights:

1. I got to hold, kiss, and sniff the head of an absolutely gorgeous 7 month old baby girl who I have not seen since Christmas. I could probably stop here, because this was enough to make the day wonderful.
2. I got to eat birthday cake at the previously mentioned angel's big brother's 4th birthday party. This is made even better because the cake was in the shape of a bug. Who doesn't like eating bugs?
3. Braylen was with me all day. And I love him.
4. I got to spend time with my MIL, BIL, SIL, and favorite nephew. And I love them.
5. I'm maintaining a positive attitude even though I'm positive I will have another week go by without losing any significant amount of weight. 

And now I will explain. The past several weeks, I've gotten very lax on the diet. And by "very" I mean one or two days a week having meals not following the diet. And only having one or two days where I make it a point to exercise. Following the diet to a T has, obviously, come to a halt. This could be because I no longer consult the Diet Bible for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks. I feel as though I know the diet backwards and forwards and no longer need The Book to decide what meals we eat. We know what we like (from the diet) so we cook accordingly. That being said... This allows for more wiggle room when we're not feeling like cooking. Sigh. Something has to give. 

Anyway, Husband and I just watched Scent of a Woman (which, contrary to what I guessed by the title, is not about a woman!!) and although the context in which it was said has nothing to do with my diet, a quote stuck out to me. 

If you're tangled up, just tango on.

I mean, is it not genius? It's self-explanatory, so I won't try to analyze it further than what it is, but it really struck a cord with me tonight. I've felt like lately I've been missing something. Not from my life, necessarily... But I've felt like I'm not doing something I'm supposed to be doing. That I'm not appreciating my life as much as I should. That I'm not following the rules of the diet as well as I should. That I'm not taking care of my home as I should. That I'm not living my life for God as He would have me do. I've been... tangled up. And now I'm ready to tango on. I'm ready to let go and let God. I'm ready to stop worrying. Stop over-analyzing. Stop trying so hard.

Just. Stop.

And tango on.

________________________________________________________

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

1 Peter 5: 6-7 

Funfetti

Day 96

Breakfast: cereal and banana
Mid-afternoon snack: NONE
Lunch: Romaine and spinach salad with feta cheese and grape tomatoes w/a turkey and cheese sandwich
Dinner: mushroom, broccoli, and cheese quesadilla with rice
Dessert: chips and dip and Funfetti cookies

It is 3:25 AM, so I'm gonna keep this short and sweet. Braylen and I had a wonderful day off together spending time with friends. Our good friend had her senior music recital tonight so we got to see her perform and then had a get together after the recital (thus the chips, dip, and cookies). Had a great time and now I'm definitely ready to go to bed. Very sleepy, and tomorrow is a big day also!

'Night y'all!

Chaos

Day 95

Breakfast: eggs w/onion in between two pieces of toast w/fat free mayo
Mid-morning snack: banana, 3 funfetti cake mix cookies
Lunch: whole wheat pasta shells w/asparagus, marinara, feta and parmesan cheeses
Dinner: whole wheat pasta shells w/asparagus, marinara, feta and parmesan cheeses
Dessert: ?

The lunch and dinner I had today was just awesome. I got the recipe from another great blog I read. I wanted to save the last meal of leftovers for another lunch, but I couldn't resist eating it for dinner tonight. Yeah, it was that good. Highly recommended. (Note: this was my first time trying asparagus since childhood. It was a wonderful way to integrate it into my diet.)

I know this looks like a huge serving, but I promise it's an illusion.

Despite my [failing] efforts to remain positive today, I broke down about mid-morning. Forgive the scattered thoughts and too-many negative thoughts.

Thoughts of the Day:

1. I am becoming exceedingly jealous recently. I don't know what sparked this change... I never used to feel like this this often, but lately.. I can't seem to shake feelings of envy. I'm not, by any means, upset that that person has the things I want and don't have; meaning... I don't wish that they didn't have them. I just want them, also. It bothers me. This has been happening when it comes to new homes, having babies, and being part of a close group of friends at school. 
2. With regards to that last one... Let me say that I feel like I'm friends with every single person in my class. I have some relationship, be it big or small, with each one... And I am very thankful for that. I knew being one of the few coming from outside of OU that it would be harder to make friends. However, I didn't realize that making friends with everyone would somehow make me more outside the group, if that makes sense. We are all friends, and yet I'm not part of any group, necessarily. I probably put myself in this situation, and I really don't blame anyone. It's just been on my mind more, and especially today. 
3. I did something this morning that I haven't done since junior high. Normally when I do laundry I air-dry all of my my one pair of jeans (forgive me for not having a larger wardrobe). However, the new pair of jeans I've been wearing have been getting looser, so I decided -- what the heck? -- and I dried the suckers in the dryer. And what do ya know... This morning when I put them on, they fit! It really is the little things, people... 
4. My husband is my absolute best friend. He woke me up this morning with a text saying "So 11 months ago I said I do to a beautiful redhead." Yep, one month from today is our first anniversary. One month from today also marks the two years that we have been together. I know that I have gushed about how ridiculously happy I am to be Mrs. Rogers, so I'll keep this nice and short. I had a rough day, and when I came home he let me pout in bed while he rubbed my hair and told me he loved me. If it gets better than that, I know Braylen will be the one to reach the "better than that" with me. He is my sunshine.

I think I need some prayer, y'all. I'm trying to get better, but my mind is full of chaos. 

________________________________________________________

Dear God, "Show me your ways, LORD, teach me your paths. Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. (Psalm 25: 4-5)" Amen.

I Am Yours

Day 94

Breakfast: yogurt and granola

Mid-afternoon snack: NONE

Lunch: pita w/tuna salad

Dinner: romaine, herb mix, and spinach salad w/feta cheese and grape tomatoes

Dessert: Skinny Cow strawberry shortcake ice cream sandwich

All I have to share with you today... 

Who am I that the Lord of all the earth,
would care to know my name, would care to feel my hurt?
Who am I that the bright and morning star, 

would choose to light the way, for my ever-wandering heart?

Not because of who I am, but because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done, but because of who you are.

I am a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean, a vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling.
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.

I am yours.

I am yours.

Who am I that the eyes that see my sin
would look on me with love and watch me rise again?
Who am I that the voice that calmed the sea,
would call out through the rain, and calm the storm in me?

Not because of who I am, but because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done, but because of who you are.

I am a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean, a vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.

Not because of who I am, but because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done, but because of who you are.

I am a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean, a vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours.
I am yours.

Whom shall I fear?
Whom shall I fear?
Cause I am yours..
I am yours..

"Who Am I" by Casting Crowns

Finding the Joy

Day 93

Breakfast: eggs w/onion in two pieces of wheat toast w/fat free mayo
Mid-morning snack: NONE
Lunch: pita w/tuna salad, apple and orange, yogurt
Dinner: herb mix and spinach salad with cheese, carrots, and honey mustard vinaigrette
Dessert: way too many lemon drops (note to self: don't leave Kaycie home alone w/a bag of lemon drops)

I got another call from Kay's this evening... They received my ring back from the repair shop and are still displeased with how loose one of the stones is so they are sending it back AGAIN. I told them this is the last time. If I have more problems with it, I'm going to contact customer services about getting a full replacement on the engagement band. I am very much over this. Incredibly sad I won't get to keep the ring Braylen and I had on our wedding day, but at this point.. I'm losing attachment to it anyway because they have it more than I do!

All that negativity aside, I really have been trying to change my attitude lately. I know that pretty much since I started this Unexpected Fortune adventure I've been a pretty humongous Negative Nancy for the most part. I can make excuses for it, but they're all pretty lame if you get down to it. I really am so incredibly blessed and fortunate to have the life and opportunities I've been given, and it's irresponsible and childish to surround myself with a fog of negativity all the time. School sucks, this is true... But it is only a teeny tiny portion of my life and I need to embrace and take full advantage of this opportunity while I can. It's hard to do when I'm actually there dealing with the boredom of lecture and the stress of testing... But somehow I really need to find a way to get past that and think about the good things. I used to do that so easily and somewhere I got lost in the everyday routine and monotony. I don't want to live my life not enjoying myself. I don't want to have more days of regular than I have spectacular... Especially because I truly do have an amazing life (I promise I'm not trying to boast, I just really have no reason to ever complain).

I think coming to these conclusions and deciding to actually make the necessary attitude adjustments is going to be a slow process. Actions are much harder to produce than words (despite what we learn in clinic), but I'm already slowly seeing changes. For instance, I have a research assignment due in about 15 days (but who's counting?) that I have barely begun and I could freak out (which I've done plenty of in the past several days) but lately I've felt calm about it. I have freaked out and still somehow managed to complete so many more papers that were much longer and required many more sources than this one does... And I survived! It was hard and I thought I would fail, at the time, but I got through it. And excelled! There is no point in me worrying over this more than is necessary to complete the task because, in the end, I will have a paper written that meets the requirements to the best of my abilities and that's all I can do. It will get done. I have never turned in an assignment late or failed to do an assignment altogether, so I don't know why these irrational fears creep up in my head anytime I'm faced with a challenging assignment. Note: Ladies also in my research class... We can do this!! We have all been through the ups and downs of paper-writing and test-taking and made it out on top. You are all intelligent and strong women... I have faith in you, so don't lose faith in yourselves!! 


I'm sorry for the motivational pep talk, but sometimes I just need to document when I have optimistic thoughts so I can read them later and try to feel that boost of optimism again. 


Good feelings still flowing... I went to Tan & Tone today after watching the newest episode of Secret Life, and discovered I've somehow lost a total of 16 inches? I'm confused with the way they document measurements, because last time I had only lost 6.5 in. and I only lost a little over a pound since the last measurement, so I'm thinking they must have slipped up somewhere in there. I'm hoping the 16 is right though, because that's much better than only 6.5! Either way.. I am consistently seeing weight drop (almost) every week, and that's all the motivation I need to keep going. 


A fellow blogger who also went through a weight loss journey posted a thought that I think will help me get through some tough situations, with weight loss and in other areas. 

Sometimes I thought, “Oh my God, I can’t eat another egg white omelet for breakfast and not have a Reese’s McFlurry ever again.” But then I asked myself, “Can you do it today, Andrea? Just today?” And I could. That question made each day manageable. Andrea Mitchell "Can You Stay for Dinner?

 I can do this today. I can watch what I eat today (even if I did have too many lemon drops, ha). I can work out my hardest at Tan & Tone today. I can study as much as I can today. And I can show as much love as I can today.

We're not ever guaranteed tomorrow, much less today. I'm tired of wasting time. I can't predict or control what will happen tomorrow, one year from now, or five years from now. But I can control what I do with this second.

And this second, I will study for my upcoming test. Because I can.