Away

I will not be posting in the next couple of days.

I have an interview this afternoon in Texas and another interview tomorrow in my hometown, so I'll be staying at my parents house tonight (no internet). Then tomorrow night we're going to a wedding.

So have a great Thursday and Friday. If I don't update on Saturday, I'll see ya Sunday!

Definition of Insanity

In my undergraduate program, one of our required courses was to take Orientation to Teaching. I remember very little from the class... One thing I distinctly remember is our professor reciting nearly every day this quote:

Source: Uploaded by user via Carrie on Pinterest

Now, whether or not Albert Einstein truly is the origin for this quotation is up for debate (as I just found out on Google)... But regardless... I remember her saying that repeatedly throughout the semester, and it stuck with me. 

There are mixed opinions about this quote. Some people say that it goes against another equally popular adage: 

Source: 365q.ca via Meredith on Pinterest

I can somewhat see that argument, but in a way I don't believe they're conflicting ideals. The second is just suggesting that you try again... Not necessarily that you try the same thing again. So I think they both could hold truth... But I'm digressing. 

I started this weight loss journey in January of 2011. I lost 30 pounds in the first 2 months and thought "heck, I can do this". And then... life happened. Since then I've lost another 30 pounds, but keep gaining/losing the last 15 pounds of that over and over again. I get under 240 and it's like my brain just shuts down and goes into binge mode. Which is where I've been for the past month. 

I've gained 16.5 pounds in the past 3 weeks. That is just silly. I mean, it's absurd. I know how to lose weight. I know what to eat, when to eat, how much to eat... How to exercise, where to exercise... Hell, I even started to enjoy exercising, if you can believe it. 

So what the heck is wrong with me?! 

I'm doing the same thing... Over and over again. 

I'm trying to eat healthy and move more and relying solely on my own motivation, self-control, and will power. 

And I fail every time. 

I am human and I am fallible. I make so many mistakes it's unbelievable. I know that this is unavoidable. 

But I get so down on myself each time I fail that it sends me into a tailspin of binging. I want to eat everything in sight because, in the back of my mind... I know I can lose it again and get right back to where I was.

Problem is... I don't move forward from "where I was". I get there and then stop. I reach that "minigoal" and my brain signals to me I've accomplished something and... What does this food addict do to celebrate something? 

Eat! 

I'm digressing again. Well, not really... but kind of. 

I need a change. I've become insane, if I'm going to pull from the quote my education teacher so frequently used. This is insanity. I eat the same foods and do the same exercises over and over and although they produce good results, it always fails. 

Something is missing. 

Here's where I might lose some of you, so forgive me if we differ in opinion or faith (or lack thereof, in some peoples' case): 

God is missing. 

As I said, I'm relying on my own motivation. My own self-control. My own will power. Instead of going to food for comfort, I'm trying to go to my mental strength for comfort. 

Problem is, I am so so weak. 

I haven't prayed through this. I've never once tried to be consistent on praying before meals/snacks, praying during a temptation, praying while overcoming a temptation, praying when Husband (or someone else) offers me something I know I can't have... I never tried. 

So, maybe what I'm saying is I feel both quotations are accurate. My recent diet/exercise endeavors are insane. I'm doing the same thing over and over and getting nowhere. My strength cannot lie within myself, because I don't have that kind of strength. I need God to help me through this. Instead of food or my own ego... I need His strength. I need his encouragement. I need his love to get me through. I need to depend solely on Him for comfort. 

I broke down speaking to my Lord last night and asked for His help. Tonight I spoke with Husband about it, so he would know where my heart is and where I have to go from here. I will need his prayer through this as well. 

I am going to try, try again... And with His strength, I know I can succeed. 

Source: lamplightart.com via K on Pinterest

 

If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section at: www.alltheweigh.com so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

 FMM: One or the Other

1. Shower or Bubble Bath?  Shower
2. Money or Power?  Money
3. Country Music or Rap? Country
4. Sunshine or Thunderstorms? Thunderstorms
5. Uniform  or Suit? Suit
6. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate
7. Beauty or Brains? Brains
8. Newspaper or Online News? Online
9. Marinara or Alfredo? I like a mix of both.
10. Lip Gloss or Lip Stick? Lip balm? I'm a chap stick girl all the way.
11. Beach or Mountains? Mountains... although my desire for the beach has grown lately
12. Talk or Text? Depends. Texting is what I do mostly, just because I can't always talk face-to-face.
13.  CNN or Fox News? Neither.
14. Cake or Potato Chips? So. Hard.
15. Movies at home or at the theater? Theater, most definitely.
16. Bar or Bookstore? I'm not real big on either. I buy books online and rarely drink outside of my home or someone else's home.
17. Rock or Pop? Pop, I guess?
18. Manicure or Facial? I've never gotten a facial, but I'm sure I would prefer that.
19. Book or e-reader? Book
20. Planes or Trains? Planes

Now it’s your turn to answer this week’s questions.  Don’t forget to go back to Kenlie's blog and link up in the comments!  Happy Monday, and Happy Memorial Day!

To-Do List

Things I Need to Do to Stop Feeling Like Crap:

• Laundry
• Clean every room of my house, from top to bottom
• Move the old fridge to the basement and the new fridge into the kitchen (from its current location in the middle of the dining room)
• Clip my fingernails (possibly paint them)
• Soak my feet while I finish my book (Fifty Shades Freed)
• Prepare questions for possible interviews next week
• Print off copies of my resume & references list
• Walk with my dogs
• Go to yoga class
• Grocery shop for healthier foods (one step at a time)
• Reread Made to Crave
• Start looking at myself in the mirror again
• Be nicer to my husband and others who care about me
• Make a dentist appointment 
• Cross something off our "House Renovations" list
• Smile more
• Pray more

Hope y'all are having a good weekend.

'Night! 

WTF Wednesday!

I've never done WTF Wednesday before, but I have a lot of things to say WTF to this week, so here goes. Thanks for the opportunity to vent, Draz!!

1. I started and finished "50 Shades of Grey" in under 24 hours last week. So first of all... Whoa. Anyone else a Christian Grey fan/critic? I love/hate him so hard. Anyways... I ordered the 2nd and 3rd books of the trilogy on Monday and today the third book came in the mail. WTF, Amazon!!  How am I supposed to read the third book before I read the second book. So now I wait. Which is so annoying and such a tease.
2. If this blog was private (or rather, not something people in my real life read) I would be shouting WTF from the rooftops over this crazy job situation. There are so many WTFs I would love to share with you all about this... But for fear of offending people, I will refrain. To those who know what I'm referring to... Despite my nonchalantness over what's gone down... I call BS. 
3. WTF is with BDR needing to check his phone every 3.5 seconds to check the damn score of whatever game is happening at the time. Scratch that... There won't even be a game on and he's got to check!! I swear baseball, football, and now basketball seasons will be the death of our relationship. Which isn't lookin' good because that pretty much covers the entire year.  (JK about the "death of our relationship" bit... Kind of)
4. WhyTF can't I get away from babies? Everyone's having one and all movies/TV shows I watch revolve around babies. F'real. Last night we saw "What to Expect When You're Expecting". We've been watching old Grey's Anatomy episodes and the ones we're on now are when Addison is working at Seattle Grace... So every episode has a dang pregnant woman. Then, of course, there's One Born Every Minute, 16 & Pregnant, and Teen Mom... Which I watch faithfully as they appear on the DVR. I know I'm doing this to myself... But that makes it an even bigger WTF. I'm obsessed. I pin every baby room, baby shower, and baby gadget I find. And I can't have babies right now. WTF.
5. I tried to make an appointment with a counseling office yesterday, but our insurance doesn't cover anything. WTF. I thought going nuts-o was kind of a big deal? Would that not constitute a medical problem? I thought BDR's company was supposed to provide the best insurance around?! Probably the biggest WTF of the situation is that when the lady called to tell me how much it would be, I actually said to her "Um, we can't afford that. Bye." Which made me feel grand. 
6. I can't stop eating. WTF.
7. This is a predictive WTF. I'm getting my hair cut and styled today, because I need something new. I've decided that I will be getting as close to this haircut as my stylist can accomplish: 

If I don't come out looking like Mila Kunis... WTF.

Tuesday Recap (And it's only 2PM)

I was woken up this morning by my phone ringing. It was the hospital from my hometown (where I really really was hoping to work) calling to tell me they "didn't need an interview" (aka... They aren't interested in me in the slightest).

So that was lovely. And humiliating. And disappointing.

And just... lovely.

Couldn't go back to sleep, so I laid on the couch with my dogs staring at the ceiling. (Do things get more depressing?? Oh, and did I mention my cat was there, too? Yeah... Things just got more depressing.)

Eventually I decided to email my resume off to another company. Actually, to the recruiting company representing the company needing an SLP. So she called me back within an hour or two and said she forwarded my information on and should be hearing from them very soon.

That is, unless, they decide an interview isn't necessary either.



Then, since I was on a roll with the productivity thing... I called the counseling office down the street. Cos homegirl needs some therapy. Gave them my info and they should be calling me back today to make an appointment.

So then I called and made a hair appointment, because I was still on phone call making mode.

And do-something-to-keep-from-going-batty mode.

Now Husband's about to go pick up lunch and I will pathetically annihilate it from my couch where I will be watching old Grey's Anatomy episodes in my pajamas.



I will say that this evening we have plans to take the pups out to a teeny tiny lake (read: pond) so they can blow off some energy. This will only happen if I don't suddenly become overwhelmed by all the job offers coming my way.

So I guess it'll happen.

See y'all after the lake (read: pond)!!

Happy Tuesday!!

Pooch Fashion

This post has been a long time coming. As you well know... I'm obsessed with my dogs. I'd probably mention them in every post if I didn't think I'd run you all away. So, fair warning... This post is about my dogs. Or, rather, about my dogs accessories.

Braylen and I don't have much money to spend on our pooches (as much as we feel they deserve it).

We try to buy toys that they enjoy that are sturdy enough to last a while. That doesn't always work, but we try.

See that white & red chew toy? [photo taken in August 2011]

It's still alive and kicking (See him "sharing it" with me?) [photo taken in March 2012]

Luke & Leia like to tear open and pull the stuffing out of dog beds. So I can't count how many of those we've gone through. We've stopped buying them. If they want to chew them up, they can sleep on the crate floor. (Which sounds cruel, but 95% of the time, Leia sleeps in our bed and Luke sleeps under the bed on the floor, where they prefer... So they don't spend much time in their crate).

Luke's first bed. (He's about 8-9 weeks old here)

Another bed (and toy that no longer exists)

Leia's first bed.

Luke & Leia sharing a bed (and pillow) that are now in heaven.

So now they're pathetically sleeping on the crate floor.

Only this is where Luke actually sleeps.

And this is where her highness actually sleeps. (It's a tough life)

Luke's worn the same dog tag for over a year now and Leia didn't even have one until last week because she kept chewing on her rabies tags and we didn't want her to ruin an ID tag we actually spent money on (she only has one now because she stopped chewing). 

[[Note: I was going to post pictures of their dog tags, because they're adorable, but realized it's probably not wise to post our number/address on the www... Both tags were purchased at PoochyCouture on Etsy.com and we couldn't be happier with them.]]

Anyways, my point is (and I promise I have one... Kinda)...

Our dogs aren't spoiled in all aspects.

The one area they are spoiled in, thanks to my mother-in-law, are their collars. She makes them new ones constantly. Basically one for every season and major holiday. They are so lucky to have a Grinny who can sew fabulous and durable dog collars (among her other many talents). So, without further ado, here are just a few of the collars our pooches have acquired...

 Matching Valentine's Day collars

Luke's bones/paws collar.

Luke's OU collar (no doubt Braylen's favorite)

Luke's 4th of July collar.

Leia's Christmas collar (sorry I don't have a better picture)

Leia's Halloween collar.

There are many more than I neglected to get a picture of. For instance, they're currently still sporting St. Patty's Day collars that I don't have photographed. When they change collars so often it's hard to remember what we have/haven't taken pictures of! But, I can't complain... That's a pretty darn good problem to have. It saves us money on collars, and our pooches always have the best ones around. 

Thanks, Grinny Robin!! Your grandpups sure do appreciate all the love you put into their fancy collars!! (And so do their parents). Looking forward to seeing your next creations! 

Thanks Robin!!!