Thursday, May 10, 2012


  1. I 100% firmly and whole-heartedly believe that Joshua Ledet on American Idol is 1,000 times over-rated. The judges give him standing o's every single time (or just about) and I literally have to fast forward his performances because they make me cringe. Just IMO. I realize I'm not in any place to judge. But it drives me nuts when they drool over him every week. Just sayin'... 
  2. My food cravings are out of this world. Well, I guess I should say... My inability to not give in to my food cravings is out of this world. I have made horrible choices for the past week. I am struggling. I've decided that once we figure out our next move (as far as who will be working where and when), I am seeking out therapy for my addiction to food. I will never make any more change/progress unless I work out whatever is imbalanced in my brain. I can never have enough food. This is not normal. 
  3. I was not planning on revealing that in this post. Guess it needed to come out. This is something I have been thinking about for the past year, and I am very serious about it. I am not meaning to sound frivolous or exaggerated. There is something wrong with the way I think/feel about food, and the way I use food in my life. I don't know how to fix it and I need help. End of story. 
  4. I really want to go on vacation. Now.
  5. I can't decide how to feel lately. One moment I'm incredibly relieved and happy that school is officially over (I took my last final yesterday and now all I have left is graduation). The next moment I am so pissed off at every little thing I don't know whether to scream or punch something (or maybe both?). 
  6. I have been having so much trouble getting sleep lately because I cannot turn my brain off. 
    • Did I lock the doors? 
    • I need to make a list of questions to ask at my interview on Friday.
    • Why didn't I get the job where I've been interning at since January?
    • I wonder what it will be like to get a paycheck.
    • Will I ever be getting a paycheck? 
    • Graduation. Ican'twait.
    • I wonder how many people will come to our graduation party. 
    • I have to pee.
    • Why didn't I get the job? 
    • Moving to a different town if I get a job away from here. 
    • Selling our house.
    • Fixing up our house so it's ready to sell. 
    • I don't want to sell our house or move. 
    • I'm not ready for these decisions.
    • What questions will I ask on Friday? Should I write them down now so I won't forget?
    • OB/GYN appointment Friday morning... Hope she doesn't tell me I'm pregnant!
    • But secretly kind of want her to. 
    • Hope all the cysts are off of my ovaries. 
    • I need to get new birth control. 
    • Braylen really wants a baby. Should we have one now? 
    • I need to lose 100 lbs still. 
    • I need to eat. 
    • I need to lose 100 lbs still. 
    • I will never lose the weight. 
    • Why didn't I get the job? 

I need help.

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