I have been M.I.A. this week because I fell off the wagon. OBVIOUSLY.
My comps were Friday and from that morning until Braum's for dinner tonight I have been eating anything I can get my grubby little hands on. I don't know if it's due to a release of stress or if I just have learned absolutely nothing from the past year and 4 months. Part of me thinks it's because I finally got out of the 240s. Why is it that as soon as that happens I sabotage myself into (probably) shooting right back up into the 240s? That pisses me off to no end and I was well-aware I was doing this to myself all week and yet still did nothing to stop it. In fact, I ate just to prove I could.
It's the stupidest thing, this food problem I have.
I just like a lot of it. All at once. It's gross. Really.
So, in true Kaycie fashion, I ate a last hoorah meal for dinner tonight and am starting fresh tomorrow. Yes, I realize I'm starting fresh on a Friday, when my last post was about how weekends are detrimental for any/all exercise/diet activity. But I have to have a full week of kicking my butt if I plan to have a good weigh-in for Biggest Loser next week. By the way, I'm skipping weigh-in tomorrow because it will be just too pathetic to post, I'm sure. Anyways, I'm starting on Friday, knowing full-well that I have not one, but TWO birthday parties to go to this weekend. I'm a glutton for punishment.
But hey, I'd rather switch over to punishment than stick with food.
I have to fight temptation this weekend. There's just no if's, and's, or but's about it. And I know I can because I've done it before. When I really set my mind on it, I can control myself no problem. So far, it's been impossible to maintain that attitude however, and I'm not sure what to change to make that impossibility a habit.
My husband graduates tomorrow. I have so much I could say about how proud of him I am, but I'll save that for my next post.
My graduation is next month. And as that date quickly approaches, the unknown is becoming more and more worrisome. I still haven't heard about whether or not I got the job at the place I am interning. Patiently waiting, even though it kills us not to know. Braylen is hoping to quit his job this summer to focus on the classes he has to take to round out his degree so I have to have a job ASAP. Not knowing if that will be here in our town or if I will have to look elsewhere is overwhelmingly scary. The thought of working at any other facility, well, I just don't want to think about it.
The only thing keeping me sane is prayer, at this point. I find myself praying more than I have in years recently. Every quiet moment I get I'm asking for peace and guidance through this time. If this isn't the job for me right now, I know another opportunity will present itself. I know that our needs will be met one way or another this summer and beyond. I know that God will provide for us, just like he has from day 1 of our relationship. I know that our lives from next month on will be drastically and wonderfully new and different, and I can't wait to discover what's in store for us.
There are many uncertainties in our lives right now regarding the next couple of months. Really, the next couple of weeks. I ask that you join with me in prayer. Not only for us, but for all of my classmates too, as we embark on this next step in life.
Thank you for your unending support.