Wednesday, February 22, 2012

What Doesn't Kill You

Makes you stronger.


I think that will be my mantra for the next 9 weeks.

That, and Proverbs 3: 5-6.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart
   and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
   and he will make your paths straight.
This semester has been trying. School and a new internship that keeps me busy (doing what I love doing with women I enjoy working with so so much). I can't complain because I'm so fortunate to have these opportunities. And the point of this post really isn't to complain, although I'm sure it will likely sound like it.

Spending so much time away from the house has taken it's toll... Both on my actual house and on my marriage. Let me clarify and say that Braylen and I are strong and will get past this... Of that, I have no doubts. But to say spending so much time apart over the past two years has been easy and that having our priorities be on work and school instead of each other for a majority of the time (as we know they have to be right now) hasn't worn on us, would just be a lie. We do take time to go out a few times a month, which I know is so good for us. And we do take time to do little things to display how much we care for and love one another. We have a strong relationship, which I am so fortunate to have and know I would be far worse off without it. But in the name of all honesty and truth, graduate school and him working full time (and finishing school also) is hard.

When I get home, he's usually gone already (he works 6PM-6AM). So when he's getting home in the morning, I'm getting ready to leave. Our schedules just don't coordinate. Ever. Ever, ever, ever. Thus is the story for many, and to those of you going through the same thing... It sucks, no? My heart goes out to you because it truly is just plain hard.

Not to mention how disgusting my house is, at the moment. I thought it got bad last year? This semester is outrageous. Neither of us have energy to clean and neither of us have energy to give a damn. Forgive my language, but it's the truth. I wouldn't let anyone in my house right now in the state that it's in. And truthfully, I'm not sure when it will change. It would take me days to make it presentable. My laundry pile has claimed half of my bedroom AND the guestroom. Junk mail has dug roots in various areas of my living room and dining room. Cat hair, dog hair... Well... I don't want to make ruin your day with talk of pet hair. But you get my drift. I'm embarrassed. But like so many other embarrassing truths of mine, here is where I can't hide.

Today was a hard day. But I'll move on.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?

Oddly enough, I found solace today in the most unlikely of places: the grocery store. I called Husband on the way home to figure out what we were having for dinner and he was clueless (as was I). So I bit the bullet and finally went to the grocery store. I knew if I didn't go today, I wouldn't go until next week (because I go to a grocery store 20 miles away, which I pass everyday going to/from school but I won't have class again until Monday). Anyways, grocery shopping has become somewhat therapeutic lately. I find that when I'm having a stressful day, the mechanical, methodical-ness of grocery shopping lets me escape for just a moment. Kind of like how some people go tanning or *cough, cough* exercise? Grocery shopping kind of gives me a zen. This time, it was helpful even more so because I knew I bought healthy foods that will help fuel me for the week to come. I knew I stuck within our "safe foods" and within our budget, and did something that will be beneficial for my husband and I.

Basically, I did something right. I made the right choice, even when I didn't want to. When it was the last thing in the world I wanted to do, I did it anyway.

I really need to adopt that in other aspects of my life. (Mainly: exercise and making healthy choices when we're out to eat)

But... What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?

And I want to be strong.

'Night y'all.


  1. I think that writing that post must have been therapeutic for you, right?
    So, you're married and single all at the same time. Yeah, I guess that could be rough and a tad lonely. I have no advice for you but I do hope you make it through. You know, stronger!

    1. I think this blog, in general, is therapeutic for me. ha. I probably share way too much and maybe sometime I'll have reason to hold back, but right now I kind of feel like the more honest I am with the world wide web, the more honest I am with myself.

      And you hit the nail on the head... Most of the time I feel single, despite being married. It can get lonely (mostly on weekends) but during the week it's actually probably for the best because I can focus on schoolwork (and, ya know, blogging).


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