Lunch: vegetable fajitas with corn tortillas; chips and queso
Dinner: mixed green salad w/grilled chicken, onions, and mushrooms, parmigiana reggiano cheese, and dried cranberries
Before I get into the meat of this post (no pun intended), I just want to point out the fact that I ate crap for lunch. Vegetable fajitas may sound like a healthy choice, and maybe they were in relation to what I could've ordered, but the grease dripping out of each tortilla would beg to differ. Not to mention the half basket of chips I single-handedly devoured. BUT. I don't feel bad. I realized today that I haven't been giving myself credit where it's due. I haven't eaten fast food since December, which is remarkable considering we used to eat it for nearly every meal (and I'm not exaggerating... HELLO 30 lb weight gain over Christmas break!). That is an accomplishment that I never even realized I'd attained! Another thing to be proud of is that I have had two boxes of my favorite Girl Scout cookies in my home since this past Thursday (5 days ago) and I've had a total of 4 cookies. That's unbelievable. I was so scared to bring them here, sure I would empty the boxes in days... But I truthfully forget they're even in the kitchen a majority of the time. I just feel like, yes, I had a horrible lunch. But I do other things right. And I can't let myself constantly feel guilty or I'll head right back to where I was and give up. That cannot happen!
I've been in a funky mood for the past several days. Inexplicably. I can put on a front very well, but when I talk to anyone who actually knows and loves me (particularly, my husband) I'm a real witch... Which just doesn't make a bit of sense to me. Anyways, I've been absolutely no fun, and I didn't know why. Until today. This morning my tummy started feeling all twisty and not good. Within ten minutes I was having full on painful cramps. I went to the bathroom and who had stopped by again for a visit? Like clockwork, baby. 30 days later and it's already here! I was shocked, to be honest, because after not having a period in almost two years.... And now getting it in 4 weeks.... I felt like I just stopped and now it's here again! Sigh. To tell the truth, it almost feels like it did back in middle school when I got it for the first time. I'm realizing I actually have to go to the store and buy tampons again. That I need to be way more mindful about my cramps than I used to be when I knew it wouldn't be a period. That I need to just get through the bitchy days and apologize to my husband every day until my period gets here and I'm happy again.
Which is curious, because I don't remember ever having PMS before. I know for sure that's what's been going on the past few days because I have no reason in the world to be unhappy. In fact, things have been going very well lately and I've had great time with friends and family (which always puts me in a good mood). So PMS is the only feasible answer. Maybe before, my "normal" was being bitchy, so I never noticed when I had PMS? Who knows. I'm just glad that now that I know what was causing the unhappiness, I feel 100% better.
Another source of happy: A new group in my town just started tonight. It's free to anyone who wants to join and will meet every weekday at 8PM. We'll do all kinds of different exercise: walking, various workout DVDs, and whatever else we can think of. Tonight, as I said, was the first night, and we did 45 minutes of water aerobics. I'd never done water aerobics before, but it was a lot of fun! I look forward to what this new group brings to my life, and what I can bring to the table for the group. It's nice knowing that, no matter what, there will be a group that meets each night at 8. It's reliable. Someone will be there. So it's not like if you only have one workout buddy and they say they can't go and it gives you an easy excuse not to do it yourself. This way, someone is always there because it's a large group. Plus, my favorite part: it's free!! Which is my favorite part, not because I'm unwilling to spend the money, but because if I can't go a particular night, I won't feel guilty about wasting my money (like I do when I don't go to the YMCA every day).
I guess a lot of my focus right now is trying to stop myself from putting guilt in my mind (both in diet and in exercise). I feel like guilt, for me, puts me in a place where failure is just around the corner. It makes me believe that I can't accomplish my goals because I've "already messed up". I really need to stop that type of thinking and focus more on the positive choices I make for myself each day. There are quite a few, if I only come to acknowledge them!
Speaking of acknowledgment, let me get to how I came to the title of this post:
Ignore my janky hair momentarily (blame water aerobics), forgive me for posting another picture of myself in a bathing suit, and try to look past my precious thigh dimples. Where the heck did that waist and booty come from? I am well aware that I have a helluva (like my Oklahoma slang?) long way to go (note: arm fat galore and those precious thigh dimples I mentioned) but hello badonkadonk! I also realize that a large rear is not an asset to most people, but I happen to think that last picture is pretty hot, if I do say so myself (and I think I just did?). I mean, J-Lo rocks a large derriere and she was People Magazine's Most Beautiful Woman last year! Obviously I'm not saying I'm on par with Jennifer Lopez, by any means... I'm just happy I can finally see some perks to being a curvy woman (and see them within myself, more importantly).
Proud owner of a Junky Trunk.