Sunday, May 1, 2011

Just Breathe

Day 119

Breakfast: NONE
Lunch (11:30): buffalo burger w/potato wedges
Lunch #2 (3:00): BBQ weenies, potato salad, green beans
Dessert: cake, scoop of ice cream, 3 Andes mints
Dinner: NONE

So, I've fallen off the dieting wagon, as it appears. I know the things I'm supposed to do, and they nag at me every time I order something like a buffalo burger or eat three hot dogs for dinner (see: day 117). I know what I should do, but my overeating appetite has come back with a vengeance. I'm hungry again... And not just for that portioned amount of food I know would be enough to keep me living. I want to eat. Much more than I should. This past week kind of put me over the edge (after having built up in the past month)... Tuesday I had wedding shower #1, Friday was book club, Saturday was wedding shower #2, and today was a graduation party. I'm giving myself excuses by explaining to you the "reasons" why I indulge (and then don't work it off by exercise). In the beginning, I guess, I had absolutely no activities happening in my life besides school because it was not this hard to go a week without eating out, I guarantee you. We went the first 8 weeks with only going out to eat one time! How the heck did that happen? I feel like I'm just as motivated now and yet... Things keep happening to challenge that motivation and I just wanna say "Quit challenging me, God, and just make it easy!" But I'm pretty sure that's not how He thinks most of the time. Sigh... Guess it's time to put on my Big Girl Panties (although not quite as big as they once were, fortunately).

So to kind of explain to you the chaos that was My Weekend, let me begin with Friday. I left home after lunch and headed to Lawton to get started on my errands for the shower I (and her mother) threw Saturday for my best friend. I picked her mom up and we went to the antique store to pick out brooches for her brooch bouquet (you really should google "brooch bouquet" cos they're gorgeous). After a stop at Hobby Lobby to pick up things to make the bouquet and to buy thank you cards, I dropped her off at home and headed to my parents house to help my mom set up for book club (she was hosting this month). We had a great time, and I got to catch up with her, which was so nice. (Plus I found out that, unlike a few nay-sayers, she would be thrilled if Bray and I got pregnant. Imagine me sticking my tongue out at you and blowing a raspberry. Okay, that's enough..). I made a 1 AM Walmart trip to pick up my shower gift for Katrina (talk about last minute) and graduation gift for Beki. Then passed out into bed around 2:45 AM.

Saturday... Oh, Saturday. I slept in late (hallelujah) and then put together my shower basket for Matt and Katrina. After stamping on the lines to their advice cards, I headed over to her mom's house, where the shower was held. We had a pretty great turnout, they got a lot of really nice things (AKA I'm slightly jealous of some things), and although I was nervous about speaking and praying in front of 50+ people, I hear that I did alright! It was a pretty great afternoon.

And then, for whatever reason... Be it the extreme stress of school lately or the intense windy weather that always exhausts me or just the pressure about hosting the shower... I completely lost it after I left. As soon as I got in my car I wanted to cry. However, I did not. I went to hang out with a really great friend of mine (and one of our groomsmen) and his mom that evening and finally saw Despicable Me. After nearly falling asleep during the movie, I decided to call it a night and headed home. I got a little (AKA a lot) upset about something later that evening, and that was the key to the floodgates. I had the intense sob-cry I've been waiting for all semester. It wasn't as much as I probably needed need, but it got the job done and put me to sleep last night.

Then today I had some residual tension built up from the night before, so wasn't the best of worshippers at my parents' church... Although I really did try and I heard some of it very clearly. We (my parents and I) went out to Ann's Country Kitchen (AKA a little piece of heaven) afterwards, where I had the buffalo burger, and had lunch with Katrina and part of her family. After stopping by her and Matt's new house in Cyril, I picked up Braylen and we went out to El Reno to go to Beki's graduation party. We didn't get to stay for very long because Bray had to get to work, but it was nice to see everyone.

Okay, so all in all.. I did zero schoolwork this weekend (aside from Thursday), and although I feel a little incredibly uneasy about that... I really do have faith that God will give me the motivation and strength to pack it all into this coming week. And I am taking my husband's advice. Last night, during my moderate-severe meltdown, he told me that after the graduation party today it's imperative that I be entirely selfish with my time over the next two weeks. With projects due and finals right behind, I can't put these things on the back-burner anymore.

And now for a very important Luke update...

The Pooch went with me this weekend to Lawton, and I have to say he was a very good boy. Aside from his overexcitement about the ladies at book club (he just loves attention)... He was incredibly well-behaved. Friday and Saturday he pretty much was left to the care of my parents because I was gone both days. Both nights he slept in my room at their house on the floor without a crate. That's a very big deal. We've known he can sleep in the crate with the door open at home, but we've never tried it no crate, just sleeping on the floor. And he stayed on the floor by my bed all night, no accidents and no walking around. I was very impressed with my big boy. Then today, he came with me to church, Ann's, Katrina's house, and Walmart... Stayed in the car, never once complained, and didn't mess anything up (although he's never messed anything up before, so that wasn't too surprising). I was very proud of him this weekend, and I just thought I'd share my Proud Momma moment.

(BTW, tomorrow my baby turns 1. Forgive me while I shed a tear...)

I remember when he looked like this...
Now I'm going to attempt to begin working on the mound of crap for school I need to accomplish. Pray for me!

'Night y'all!

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