Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Penny for Your Thoughts?

Breakfast: two egg whites, one whole egg w/feta cheese; yogurt
Lunch: chicken and vegetables; apple
Dinner: two cheese turkey burger patties w/ketchup and pickles
Dessert: yogurt
Exercise: NONE (didn't get home and settle down until 8PM and haven't started studying yet)

I apologize, in advance, for how boring my blog will be over the next few days (weeks? months?). My camera, although still fully functioning, now has a bent port where the cord is inserted to transfer pictures. For some reason my memory card has never worked when I directly insert it into the computer so that's not an option. Soooo, for now.. I can take pictures on it just fine, but I have no way to transfer them to the computer until I figure out either how to fix it, how to work around it, or get a new camera. Lovely. I can't seem to have any type of electronic for more than a year before something has to happen.

Yesterday I began decorating the dining room for my upcoming Christmas-themed birthday party. I figure, we decorate the house and tree(s) weeks before actual Christmas day, and I'm trying to emulate all things Christmas for this party... So why not decorate ahead of time? Plus, I imagine it will help me to be less stressed if I start now, rather than all at once right before the party. Pretty sure it's just so I can listen to my Christmas station on Pandora, though, and not feel silly.

Note: I still feel a little silly.

WARNING: I will now talk about womanly things. Men, you have been cautioned.

Last week (on Friday, to be exact) I took a pregnancy test. The birth control I take causes me to not have periods, so that's never been an indicator as for if I'm pregnant or not. Another little zinger is that my BC ran out around the last weekend of May, and since I'm not under my same insurance or doctor anymore since I got married and I ran out of refills... I have no way to get more, at the moment. Anywho... I woke up Friday morning with a single thought: I'm going to take a pregnancy test this morning. I don't know why it came into my head, but I knew that was the morning it needed to happen. I didn't wake up Braylen. I figured that could wait until after the test was finished. So I took it. And I'm not pregnant.

I could write an entire post about the feelings I had after seeing that I am not, in fact, going to have a baby (right now). That actually isn't what this is about. I've gotten several varying reactions from people when I talk about how baby-crazed I am lately. Some have been supportive and understanding. Others... Not so much. I take more offense than I know I have any right to. I'm not sure why it bothers me as much as it does, other than the fact that this is something that I think about each and every single day. It's very close to my heart and my prayers. But that's no excuse for harboring bitterness within myself towards anyone, and for that, I apologize.

No, this post is rather to try to express that I am attempting to see things from your point of view (even if you hesitate to extend the same courtesy). I've been thinking lately that, although I desperately and whole-heartedly desire to create and raise a human being... There are plenty of things I know I will miss. So here we go.

Things I Will Miss About Not Having Children

  1. Getting to take naps whenever I want to, for however long I want to. Or rather, getting to take naps, period. Or rather, getting to sleep during normal sleeping hours.
  2. Having only my dog to worry about taking care of when we go on trips. 
  3. Not being able to recall the smell of a dirty diaper anytime they're mentioned. 
  4. Making decisions based on two people: Husband and I.
  5. Traveling with my husband. Alone.
  6. Eating out with my husband anytime I want. Alone.
  7. Cooking the same thing everyday because no one complains that it's too boring.
  8. Not having a diaper blowout story to share. (See #3)
  9. Watching whatever I want on TV / Listening to whatever I want on the radio without worrying about censoring for tiny ears
  10. Money. I will miss money. 
I kept the list to 10, because I know all of you are chomping at the bit to fill me in on the other things I will miss. Please, feel free! I sure don't know everything. I know there's no way to know what being a mom is like until you actually are one. But I am interested to see what you will add to the list. I really am trying to look on the bright side of this Not-Having-A-Baby-Now thing. 

That being said, you have six months... Cos we're going to stop trying to not have a baby around Christmastime. Get your two cents in now! 

'Night y'all!

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