Monday, December 5, 2011

The Single Line Post

It's hard to know where to start. It's been nearly two months since I've written anything so there's a lot I could catch you up on.

We have a new baby in our lives, as of October 22nd. She was born on August 8th and is now 17 weeks old. Her name is Leia. Her and Luke get along beautifully, and we couldn't have chosen a more perfect little one to add to our family. She's such a joy.

Probably the biggest change in our life has been something we've kept more private. Over the past couple of months, we've been talking and praying with one another about starting a family. Well, a family in addition to our puppies, that is.

We decided that I would stop getting my birth control shot and have not been using any type of birth control since September. It is something we have talked with one another about for several months now and decided that now is the right time. Were we to become pregnant now, both of us would be graduated and into careers. We decided from the beginning that choosing to not take birth control doesn't mean that we're "trying", because we don't want to put that kind of pressure on ovulation schedules and things like that. We wanted to relieve the pressure of NOT getting pregnant. That's always been the goal: "Well, we can't get pregnant now because the time isn't right". Now, since we're not taking BC to stop a pregnancy, whenever the time is right, God will bless us with a child.

I try so hard to maintain that attitude.

But for the past six days I've been feeling nauseous sporadically throughout the day (Note: I haven't thrown up since elementary school, so nausea isn't something that happens to me often). I've been smelling things I normally wouldn't smell. I just have this feeling. And that's silly to say because I don't know what it feels like to be pregnant. But it just felt real this time.

And then a single line appeared on the test.

I try so hard to maintain that attitude. I know God's timing is better than my own. I just feel like everything I've been experiencing for the past six days and the "feeling" I had was in my head. And that scares me. I feel like when/if I ever am pregnant, I won't believe it. I don't know how many pregnancy tests I've taken, all with a negative result. We wanted to wait until Friday to take it, but I couldn't wait anymore because of all the "symptoms" and the feeling I've had lately. At the same time, I procrastinated doing it this morning because I was afraid it would be negative. And then it was.

I shouldn't complain because I know some people try for years and are never able to conceive. I am just fearful that that could be us. It's hard for me to admit that, because we will be happy with or without children and I'm being selfish.

It was just a hard day, and tomorrow will be better.


  1. First off welcome back!
    Congrats on your new puppy, too adorable.
    And good luck with getting pregnant, I will keep you in my prayers, you have the right attitude of not worrying about getting pregnant this month or that month and just letting it happen. We tried for roughly 4 years to get pregnant, every month I thought I was pregnant, wasted tons of money on tests all the time only to see negative. I gave up all hope on ever getting pregnant and one day just gave it to God and told him I am done stressing about this and accept it just might not be in my cards. 3 months later I found out I was pregnant. When I stopped worrying and stressing over it it happened! Crazy how it works.

  2. Well, lots to say. First LOVE the new pup, too cute!!!

    second, we're trying too. We've been trying for 6 months, but unfortunately the ovulation times and such really have a huge impact on if you want to get preggo or not. I did tons of research after about 3 months of nothing and found out a lot of info on the internet about tips and such. Now i'm on meds to up my ovulation, because I only have about 4 periods a year. And to top it off, my husband works out of town M-F, so our time to make babies is limited too. UGH! Just keep your chin up and keep trying! We'll get there eventually!


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