Monday, December 19, 2011

The Retrospect Post

I began this blog on November 3, 2010. The anniversary of the beginning of the blog came and went during my hiatus and I didn't even realize. I just read what I posted a year ago this weekend and it's alarming how much hasn't changed, when I feel like so much has.

A year ago today I was blogging about the weekend. We had just gotten back from Husband's grandma's Christmas party and were going to his great grandma's party the following day. We were eating out for every meal (and not ordering anything healthy). We were watching tons of movies and TV and our sleep schedule was completely ridiculous. My weight was on the rise because I knew once the New Year came we were going to start the 17 Day Diet (which we began on January 3, 2010) so i was eating everything in sight.

Basically read over that entire paragraph again, change the verbs to present tense, and you'll get what I'm experiencing currently. This weekend we had Husband's family's Christmas parties. Our current shows are Friday Night Lights, Switched at Birth, The Cosby Show, and anything else I have recorded on DVR. We literally eat out at least one meal (usually two meals) every day, and I super-size everything available. I've done zero exercise and make every excuse in the book not to start. I've gained 20 lbs in the past nine weeks (not an amount I'm proud of, by any means, but honestly I expected it to be more).

Somewhere in my mind I'm justifying this over-indulgence because we plan to start Day 1 after New Years Day on the diet and exercise again. I know we can do it because we've done it before. However, I know we can fall out of it because obviously we've done that before, too. I think it's dawning on me that this will not be as cut and dry as I thought it would be a year ago.

A year ago I thought "Oh yeah, we're doing the 17 Day Diet and if I lose x lbs a month, I'll be at my goal weight in x months!" Yeah. It really hasn't happened that way. I made a goal 3-4 months ago that I would be under 200 lbs by New Years. Yesterday when I weighed I had gone back up to 255.6. Again, not as bad as I feared it would be, after having not weighed in in at least 6 weeks, but still a pretty colossal difference from where I was in October. And no where near under 200 lbs.

This is going to take me a long time. A lifetime. I will always struggle. I will always make mistakes. I will always have moments of weakness. I think what I need to focus on is that I will always keep trying. I will always start again. I will always have moments of strength.

Though I may not be strong every day, I may not always fight every temptation... I am striving toward something and I haven't given up.

So much can change (and stay the same) in a year. I am excited to see what 2012 has in store for my husband and me. Who knows what will have changed and what will be the same. I do know that, though I may not be at my goal weight, I will weigh less than I do today.

And I will be better than I am today. 

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