Monday, December 6, 2010

New Life Resolution

My New Life Resolution

I don't normally do New Years Resolutions. I kinda think they're silly, for the most part, and they've never worked for me. I've always preferred New Day Resolutions. As it turns out, those don't work for me either. Apparently, resolutions, in general, are very hard for me to stay motivated about.

Besides, my life needs to change, not my year or day.

I am overweight. According to BMI scales, I am obese. It has taken me a few years to come to terms with that fact, but I've got a grasp on it now. Some call it BBW (big beautiful woman) and some call it fat. I tend to lean towards the latter, cos I tend to not feel so beautiful being big, but that's just my own personal feelings on the subject.

I do not like my body. And let me explain that I never have. I won't go into all the gory details because blogs are supposed to be funny and cheerful, right? Let's just sum it up to say that, despite my husband telling me each and every day that I am beautiful and he loves me just the way I am, I do not and never have felt sexy or desirable, much less beautiful.

Wah, wah, wah.

Okay, I'm addicted to food. I admit it. I love cooking, and I love eating. More than most. It's not some problem where I find comfort in food because I had a horrible childhood and needed an escape from my pain (not to minimize those who that is an issue for). I had a great childhood, and wasn't taught to have unhealthy eating patterns. I just love food, and I love eating. It's fun to me. I don't like leaving a plate unless it's empty. Preferably after a second helping. I enjoy the tastes and smells and the satisfaction of satiation.

I need to change. I need to be better... for my husband, myself, and for our future family together. I need to stop avoiding the mirror (I can't remember the last time I stood in front of one). I need to stop hating every inch of myself. I need to cook healthier and eat healthier. I need to stop caring what my mother and extended family think of my weight. I need to stop thinking my appearance isn't good enough for my husband.

And I need to start now.

I watch Dr. Phil. In fact, I DVR it every day. (I blame Darcy Kay Jergens for this habit.) The other day he had a guest on his show named Dr. Mike Murano, who researched and authored the diet and book, The 17 Day Diet. From what I understand, the premise of the diet is to eat a certain set of foods for 17 days and then cycle through other types of foods every 17 days after that. I guess it psyches out your body and you continually lose weight instead of plateauing and eventually giving up. I don't believe in diets, and I am highly skeptical of this one.

But I ordered it.

1 comment:

  1. I tend to be skeptical of diets, too, for change must come from within. I wish you grace, love, and luck through your journey, Sweetie. You can so do this!

    For what it's worth, when I'd gained weight after Carson and decided to try and drop it, some tricks that were truly helpful to me which sound like they may be for you, were to:
    ~Try and take smaller portions to begin with and
    a) either leave a couple last bites on my plate or b) eat my smaller portion... still be able to eat more. I might be asked to take seconds, but politely refuse and say 'If I am still hungry in 10-15 minutes, I will grab more then. ty' That's about how long it takes (approx, I guess) to get the food down to your tummy, and make you feel full... and it works!!!

    Helped me a lot... maybe it can for you, too. Love you, Sweetie. Hugs and Kisses and Best of Wishes. <3


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