Snapshots

Whenever I open blogger to make a post, the only content that ever comes out is baby stuff. Although that is what's on my mind 90% of the time.... This is what's in the other 10%...

My dogs in their natural habitat. Leia perched on the couch. Luke standing guard in the backyard. I just love my babies.

My honey had flowers sent to me at work in celebration of receiving my certification from the American Speech-Language-Hearing Association! I just love that guy.

This is my office after giving attempting to give a really involved, complicated language test to a 3 year old who did not want to be given a really involved complicated language test. I just love my job!!

My best friend and I during her last visit, because I miss her so much! I just love that girl!

So when my headspace isn't consumed by baby plans.... My thoughts are typically there!

But speaking of baby plans... It's a no-go for this month, as I started my period last night.

Big WOO HOO for my body doing what it should do, naturally...

Big BOOOOOO for my body not getting pregnant instead.

Just have to be more diligent in our efforts =]
(Sorry Mom and MIL... )

We're off to a Rangers game today with two good friends... Hopefully they win so Husband doesn't have to pout the whole ride home...

Then a 5k tomorrow! It's called Run for a Reason and this is the first annual. My personal trainer started it and I'm really excited to see the turn out! We are all supposed to write our reason for running (or working out) on our arm... I still haven't decided what mine is... But I guess I'll have to know by tomorrow! =]

Have a good weekend!

Good News!

I think I might have mentioned at some point that last week was our 3-year wedding anniversary, right? Anyways... The first two anniversaries I was in graduate school, so although we did take time to celebrate each year... It was always during finals week and I always had a lot on my plate. This year, since I'm not in school anymore, I decided to take time from work and spend it with Husband! I worked Monday & Tuesday last week, but took the rest of the week off so we could spend some time just enjoying each other...

That was the plan anyways.

(just kidding)

We did spend a lot of much-need quality time together. However, we also took care of a few "chores" and worked in other fun activities. I changed over my Oklahoma license plate and driver's license to Texas (barf), walked a 5k, had my car break down at the peak of the highest overpass in town (lovely), celebrated the graduation of a good friend, and spent time with our mothers for Mother's Day.

Oh, and I squeezed in my annual onemorereasontolovebeingawoman appointment.

Which actually turned out to be a highlight of the whole "staycation"! (more on that appointment here)


I mentioned in that post that they drew blood to test my luteinizing hormone, thyroid-stimulating hormone, testosterone, and follicle-stimulating hormone levels. Now, don't ask me what any of that stuff means. I googled them all and have some basic idea... But pretty much... All those things work together to regulate your cycle, including menses and ovulation. I know that leaves out a ton of details, but for my purposes... That's really all I needed to know.

Anyways, the results are in and.... (drumroll, please)....

It all came back within normal limits.

Um... Hallelujah?

Back when I had my appointment in January of 2012 (which you can find a post about here), we learned that my ovaries were covered in follicles (or cysts). The birth control I was on for the previous 1.5 years (Depo-Provera or "the shot") had pretty much eliminated my menstrual cycle (as it typically does for some women). So prior to this appointment, I hadn't had a period in 1.5-2 years, which would present itself as a build-up of cysts on my ovaries. My gynecologist (at the time) basically gave me two scenarios or explanations for why my ovaries were so cystic:

1. The cysts are due to not having a regular cycle for so long. In which case, the hope would be that once I got off BC and my cycles regulated, the cysts would "slough off" and my ovaries would be good as new.
2. The cysts are due to polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) and regardless of weight-loss or birth control, the cysts would remain and most-likely make conception/pregnancy more challenging (not impossible, just challenging).

Following this appointment, I was given Provera (which is a synthetic variant of the hormone progesterone, given to jump-start menstrual cycles) and a prescription to Beyaz.  "I bled for three moons" (sorry... had a Game of Thrones moment) and met with her again for a follow-up appointment in May 2012 (read about that here). At that time, I thought we would be doing another transvaginal ultrasound to monitor the status of those lovely cysts on my ovaries.... But was disappointed to find out it was just to report back on if my periods started. When I asked her if having my period those three months indicated whether or not PCOS is likely, she pretty much (at least to my understanding) told me that I have PCOS, whether or not my period started back up. I realize now I should have asked about a billion more questions and demanded another follow-up in six months to check out my ovaries once more.

But... hindsight is 20/20, and it's irrelevant now. Back to today...

Has it ever happened to you that you didn't realize you were completely and totally stressed about something until it's no longer a concern?

The nurse called and told me the good news (and she was totally excited for me, which felt awesome... Like she knew good things were about to happen in our lives very soon)... And I kept saying to her "Wow, that's really awesome! Thank you so much!" and we laughed and got excited for a second.

As soon as I hung up the phone, I immediately started sobbing... All while smiling uncontrollably.

It totally caught me off guard! I rarely cry these days, especially about something involving me... So to cry spontaneously and uncontrollably about being... happy? It felt amazing and put me in the best mood I've been in in weeks.

I don't take for granted that conception/pregnancy will now be a breeze. I still know where the control lies (and it's definitely not with me, or I'd have been pregnant May 7, 2010)... But I am so incredibly relieved to have one less obstacle on our path to parenthood.

Still praying that God blesses us when He feels we are ready... And praising Him every step of the way!

'Night y'all!

More Baby Business

Seeing as I decided part of this blog's purpose was to document our journey to parenthood, I definitely can't leave out my ob/gyn appointment today! She came recommended from a friend... And I found out today it was for good reason! Seriously... I love this lady! I'm so excited that she's our doctor!

First off, she isn't completely convinced I have PCOS. As my periods have been consistent since I got off BC in December and I don't have any of the other symptoms... PCOS isn't as likely.

Can you say... Relief?

She also said due to my young age and regular periods, she doesn't think we should have problems conceiving. If I'm not pregnant in six months, I'll go in to see her again and we'll look at everything a little closer. Today they drew some blood to test my estrogen, LH/FSH, and thyroid levels. I should get those results back in a couple of days. That will also give more info on the likelihood of PCOS.

Whether or not I have PCOS... I just loved that she was encouraging and positive. She really gave me hope that conceiving is within reach and doesn't have to be difficult (like I've always assumed it would be). Maybe it's false hope, but today... It made me happy.

Know what else makes me happy?

My husband. I just love that guy. Time and time again he shows me all the reasons I fell in love with him and married him. I'm just so proud of him and the man he is.

I just had to say it.

And I look forward to seeing him as a dad. Truthfully... I'm probably more excited to see his face and his reaction to meeting our children for the first time than I am to meet them myself! He is just going to be so good at it.

 Oh, but back to the conception business. I told Braylen he has to promise not to let me take any pregnancy tests until June. I don't want a repeat of what happened in March to happen again... Where I get anxious to take tests and start taking them before I even miss my period, so then I don't know WHEN I can stop taking them because I don't know if I should've had my period or not.

You do not want to know the crazy that happens in my brain about this baby business. Sigh...

'Night y'all!

Too Much Time to Think

My husband was away this weekend. As he hasn't been working for a month or so, we've been spending a lot of time together (he drives me to/from work and we're at the gym together 2-4x week, plus time at home). So this weekend was the first time in a couple months I haven't had any plans and could stay at home... and the first time EVER in this house that I've spent a weekend without BDR.

Of course I missed him... Who wouldn't miss a guy who leaves a note like this for me to find when I come home from work??

"Dear Kaycie, The best part of this trip will be coming home to you. I love you with all my heart. -Braylen Oh! Check inside the fridge" (He made tootie fruity for me and left it in the fridge =] )

Aside from missing him, though, I really enjoyed the time to myself. My mom stayed with my one night, which was really nice. The rest of the time I just... relaxed. 

I will say, it gave my mind a lot of time to wander. Or maybe I should say "reflect"... That sounds a little better, to me. I've got a lot of things running through my mind about this conception business. I haven't visited an ob/gyn since my last appointments (which I wrote about here and here in January & May of 2012), when I found out I have PCOS. I haven't been on birth control since December 2012. I thought for sure I wouldn't menstruate naturally (without BC), as every time I went off BC before, my periods stopped. However, I have only missed one period since December. Granted, that doesn't mean much as far as ovulation goes, as I could be having anovulatory bleeding... But it makes me feel like my body is doing what it should be doing, without medication. 

But then I read forum posts and articles about PCOS and it throws my positivity out the window. I fit all the criteria, even still. It's so scary to read all the heartache and hurts other women (and their spouses/partners) often go through when trying to conceive with PCOS. We're just starting on this journey, and I'm so afraid. 

And then I just get pissed off at myself for allowing my weight to be such a barrier for my future. It's just a shame that year after year I say the same things... That I will strive to become more active and healthier to lower the risks during pregnancy with PCOS (or to possibly eliminate PCOS entirely!). And year after year I'm still 260 lbs... Struggling to find lasting determination to lose. 

We want this so badly... Have waited since we got married for the time we could finally start "trying". I'm not ruling anything out or saying it's not possible. I still fully believe that God will provide on His time, when He feels we are ready for such blessings. 

I think I just had too much time to think this weekend. I need to have faith and trust in His timing. I also need to be more faithful in taking care of the "temple" He provided me. I could really use some prayer in that department.
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I'm only working two days this week. Tuesday is our 3 year anniversary (can you believe it??), so I'm taking Wednesday & Thursday off (and I don't work Friday). Saturday we're running our first 5k. I should probably be nervous or anxious or something... But at this point, I just want to be done with it. I'm not feeling competitive at all. Running is NOT my thing. I wouldn't even do it, if I hadn't already signed up with a group and have friends running, too. I'm just not into it at all. But at least I can say I've completed one, right? 

'Night y'all!