Made to Crave

Breakfast: 4 egg whites w/onion & reduced sugar ketchup; yogurt; green tea
Mid-morning snack: apple
Lunch: 1/2 grilled turkey breast w/reduced sugar ketchup and grilled asparagus; green tea
Mid-afternoon snack: frozen grapes
Dinner: romaine and spinach salad w/sauteed onion, grape tomatoes, and feta cheese; green tea
Dessert: yogurt
Exercise: 2 mile walk; 30 minutes of pilates

I keep catching myself thinking "Okay, I can't watch another episode of Dr. Phil.. I have to do...." And then I realize... I don't have anything I have to do! It's such a nice feeling. Sure, I could straighten up the house if I wanted to, but the kitchen's clean and nothing is filthy, just out of place, so I don't really see it as a priority. It's optional. I could if I wanted to. Which I probably will later, just because I know how good it makes me feel afterwards, when my house is clean. But I don't have to, and that's a really nice feeling. I wish this feeling had come two weeks ago when I started my vacation, rather than a week before school starts again... But I'll take what I can get!

BDR had his first day of his summer class today, and I went with him so we could tell his professor about his experience a couple weeks ago. When his class started, I headed out to walk around campus. I wanted to do a little jogging, as well, but I guess I over-exerted myself yesterday w/the walk/jog and circuit training I did because my shin splints made it hard to even walk. I managed to do a 2 mile walk in 40 minutes which isn't anything to shout about, but with how hot it was and how badly my legs hurt, I'm okay with it.

I'm still frustrated that this morning when I weighed in I had gained another pound and a half, putting me like SIX LBS more than I was last week. For a split second I even headed towards the computer to tell my Biggest Loser group I was gonna have to quit. I mean, a six pound gain in a week? That's just ridiculous, not to mention incredibly embarrassing. I mean, seriously? When I think about it now, I still feel embarrassed. But I just have to keep in mind that it's a marathon, not a sprint. I can do this.. I can lose weight. I know because I just lost 40+ lbs. I know I have the power to do this, I just can't let myself get defeated by things like this. I have to keep moving and I have to keep consciously deciding where my cravings go.

Which brings me to the book I started reading last night. I think I may have mentioned it before, but a friend/former teacher of mine suggested I read "Made to Crave" by Lysa Terkeurst, which is about "satisfying your deepest desire with God, not food." I read chapters 1-4 last night, and it's crazy how on point it is with how I feel about food. When I eat, how I eat, why I eat.. So far, it's been a huge conviction. I'm looking forward to reading more of it tonight and in the days to come. I'm realizing that I have put food in place of God as my source of comfort, joy, and any other emotion/event. When life throws something at me, good or bad, I go to food instead of going to God, and it's pretty pathetic. Reading it in the book really put words to what I've been doing for all these years and although it's a hard realization to make, it's almost a relief to know that this can be overcome once the source is revealed. I can get through this and it will be hard, but my walk and relationship with God will be so much stronger once this struggle is out of the way. Even though I'm not finished with it yet, I would already recommend this book to anyone struggling with weight loss.

And now I'm gonna go watch another episode of Dr. Phil. Because it's summer, and I totally don't have anything to do.

Sigh.... It's a good feeling!

'Night y'all!