Heavy

Day 24

Breakfast: green tea, 2 scrambled eggs mixed with a diced and sauteed baked potato with a squirt of ketchup, and a blueberry yogurt
Mid-afternoon snack: a sliced red delicious apple
Lunch: green tea, salad, black bean turkey chili, and a sliced golden delicious apple
Dinner: green tea, a hamburger patty, green beans, and a sliced tomato
Dessert: a raspberry cheesecake yogurt

Dinner:

Excuse the paper plate... When the husband's gone and I have to eat alone, I'm not really that interested in dirtying up any dishes.

Another unnecessarily long day. I got to the clinic too early, so I finished my work and basically had to waste time until my class and therapy session started. So, unlike I predicted yesterday, I actually would've had time to do homework today... Still glad I did it yesterday, though! Everything at school went fine. Finally finished with initial testing and writing the initial report, so now we can actually move on with therapy and not have all the pressure. Very excited about next week being (hopefully) ten times easier than this week.

When I got home, Husband had already left for work. I hate that our schedules don't match up easily at all. So I saw him this morning for about an hour and a half and will not get to see him again until tomorrow morning. It's a good thing tomorrow's only a class day so I'll get home in time to at least make him breakfast and see him off to work. Sigh.. I miss him.

After eating, I actually watched some TV, which I hadn't done in a couple of days! It was nice to catch up on the episodes I missed. I wanted to watch Heavy and do my first official walk on the treadmill in our house, so I turned on the episode and stepped on and... The treadmill stopped moving. Apparently, I'm either above the weight limit for the treadmill's weight capacity or it's so old the motor isn't functioning correctly anymore. I'm pretty sure it's because I'm too heavy, but maybe that's because I'm a Negative Nancy on occasion. I guess we'll see when Braylen gets home tomorrow cos I'm going to have him try it, too. Not only was it disappointing to not be able to do the workout that I want to do, but it's extremely frustrating when you try really hard to get somewhere, and the tools that are supposed to get you there can't even function because you're too fat. Excuse the harsh word "FAT", but in this case, that's just what it boils down to, more than likely.

So ready for this to be over, but the sad and exhausting fact is that it will never be over for me.

I think today is the first day I've felt truly defeated by the prospect of actually succeeding. I know that, in time, I'll get there. And that, in time, my treadmill won't grind to a halt as soon as I set foot on it.

I'm just upset, is all.