Finding the Joy

Day 93

Breakfast: eggs w/onion in two pieces of wheat toast w/fat free mayo
Mid-morning snack: NONE
Lunch: pita w/tuna salad, apple and orange, yogurt
Dinner: herb mix and spinach salad with cheese, carrots, and honey mustard vinaigrette
Dessert: way too many lemon drops (note to self: don't leave Kaycie home alone w/a bag of lemon drops)

I got another call from Kay's this evening... They received my ring back from the repair shop and are still displeased with how loose one of the stones is so they are sending it back AGAIN. I told them this is the last time. If I have more problems with it, I'm going to contact customer services about getting a full replacement on the engagement band. I am very much over this. Incredibly sad I won't get to keep the ring Braylen and I had on our wedding day, but at this point.. I'm losing attachment to it anyway because they have it more than I do!

All that negativity aside, I really have been trying to change my attitude lately. I know that pretty much since I started this Unexpected Fortune adventure I've been a pretty humongous Negative Nancy for the most part. I can make excuses for it, but they're all pretty lame if you get down to it. I really am so incredibly blessed and fortunate to have the life and opportunities I've been given, and it's irresponsible and childish to surround myself with a fog of negativity all the time. School sucks, this is true... But it is only a teeny tiny portion of my life and I need to embrace and take full advantage of this opportunity while I can. It's hard to do when I'm actually there dealing with the boredom of lecture and the stress of testing... But somehow I really need to find a way to get past that and think about the good things. I used to do that so easily and somewhere I got lost in the everyday routine and monotony. I don't want to live my life not enjoying myself. I don't want to have more days of regular than I have spectacular... Especially because I truly do have an amazing life (I promise I'm not trying to boast, I just really have no reason to ever complain).

I think coming to these conclusions and deciding to actually make the necessary attitude adjustments is going to be a slow process. Actions are much harder to produce than words (despite what we learn in clinic), but I'm already slowly seeing changes. For instance, I have a research assignment due in about 15 days (but who's counting?) that I have barely begun and I could freak out (which I've done plenty of in the past several days) but lately I've felt calm about it. I have freaked out and still somehow managed to complete so many more papers that were much longer and required many more sources than this one does... And I survived! It was hard and I thought I would fail, at the time, but I got through it. And excelled! There is no point in me worrying over this more than is necessary to complete the task because, in the end, I will have a paper written that meets the requirements to the best of my abilities and that's all I can do. It will get done. I have never turned in an assignment late or failed to do an assignment altogether, so I don't know why these irrational fears creep up in my head anytime I'm faced with a challenging assignment. Note: Ladies also in my research class... We can do this!! We have all been through the ups and downs of paper-writing and test-taking and made it out on top. You are all intelligent and strong women... I have faith in you, so don't lose faith in yourselves!! 


I'm sorry for the motivational pep talk, but sometimes I just need to document when I have optimistic thoughts so I can read them later and try to feel that boost of optimism again. 


Good feelings still flowing... I went to Tan & Tone today after watching the newest episode of Secret Life, and discovered I've somehow lost a total of 16 inches? I'm confused with the way they document measurements, because last time I had only lost 6.5 in. and I only lost a little over a pound since the last measurement, so I'm thinking they must have slipped up somewhere in there. I'm hoping the 16 is right though, because that's much better than only 6.5! Either way.. I am consistently seeing weight drop (almost) every week, and that's all the motivation I need to keep going. 


A fellow blogger who also went through a weight loss journey posted a thought that I think will help me get through some tough situations, with weight loss and in other areas. 

Sometimes I thought, “Oh my God, I can’t eat another egg white omelet for breakfast and not have a Reese’s McFlurry ever again.” But then I asked myself, “Can you do it today, Andrea? Just today?” And I could. That question made each day manageable. Andrea Mitchell "Can You Stay for Dinner?

 I can do this today. I can watch what I eat today (even if I did have too many lemon drops, ha). I can work out my hardest at Tan & Tone today. I can study as much as I can today. And I can show as much love as I can today.

We're not ever guaranteed tomorrow, much less today. I'm tired of wasting time. I can't predict or control what will happen tomorrow, one year from now, or five years from now. But I can control what I do with this second.

And this second, I will study for my upcoming test. Because I can.