New House

It's so funny to me how out of practice I am with posting. I'm sitting here racking my brain trying to think of what to do next online, and it finally dawned on me... Hey, I could update my blog! ha. It's been so long, I just don't even think of it!

It's also been occurring to me lately that Braylen and I are still newlyweds, at least, in my opinion. I guess I don't really know the time limit on what constitutes a "newlywed", but we've only been married 2 years, and a majority of that we haven't spent together due to night shifts and grad school. I say all that to say, I feel like we're just starting out. Or starting again, I guess. We're in this new house, in a new state, with new people all around us, trying to find a new routine in a new environment... And it just feels like the fresh start we'd been hoping for! I truly feel that all the headache and stress that was Grad School was worth it. (Can you believe I just said that?) I am SO GLAD it's finished, but I'm SO GLAD I did it.

Speaking of new house... Here it is!

Home Sweet Home!

Dining Room

Living Room

Kitchen

Master Bedroom

Master Bathroom

Guest Bathroom

Guest Bedroom #1

I have more pictures, but don't want to upload them all on here. If you're interested, visit my facebook! We're loving every second we spend in this house. I'm hard-pressed to find things to complain about, ha. There's just not much I can find! 

Well, I guess that's my update for the night? Geez, this feels so unnatural to me after being gone for so long. Hoping to get back in the swing of things soon!

'Night y'all!!

Loving Myself

Hi! Remember me? Sorry it's been so awfully long. Braylen and I recently moved to a new town (in another state) so we've been without internet for quite some time. That, and things have just been so hectic with moving and starting a new job, I didn't have the motivation to post from Husband's iPhone... It never dawned on me to do so anyway!

I started my new job on July 9th and have loved every minute. God's truly been blessing us right and left. Our old home hasn't sold yet, so that's still a huge concern, but otherwise... More often than not, I look around and think "Is this really my life?". I feel unbelievably blessed and so thankful to be where I am.

That isn't to say that things are 100% perfect. Like I said, our old home still hasn't sold, so that's a stressful situation. More importantly, as you could have guessed and I'm sure all assumed, my diet and exercise haven't been on point in quite a long time. I haven't weighed myself in probably 2 months, so I don't know how much damage I've done, but I think it's safe to say I'm probably right back to where I was when I started this craziness in January 2011. I'm not proud or happy about that. I don't have any resolve about it... So I'm not blowing it off and just saying "It is what it is". I have really struggled with myself over it lately. I worked really hard to lose that 60 pounds and to know I probably have gained it all back is really frustrating. It also shows me that I obviously wasn't doing things right the first time. So I guess I need to change things up?

I'm thinking, at least in the beginning, I'm not going to weigh-in like I was. I don't think I'm going to take pictures. I don't think I'm going to make a production about it. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, and I do miss the support and encouragement I receive when I post a picture showing progress... But to me that makes it all seem temporary.. Like a fleeting victory. The changes I need to make must be subtle and gradual... Not unlike how I gained weight. I didn't gain all this extra weight overnight, and it won't come off overnight. I want to focus more on gradual and manageable changes that I can make each day. I don't want to become overwhelmed and feel like I don't know who I am anymore... Like I have in the past.

I have no idea if it will work. Hell, it probably won't.

But I have to be at least the tiniest bit happy that I'm still trying. Prior to last year, if losing weight didn't work within a couple of months, I just threw in the towel and moved on. I know now that this will always be a part of my life. It's always on the back of my mind. I'm not always happy that it's on the back of my mind because my attitude is so horrible... Most of the time all I feel is massive amounts of guilt and shame for how horribly I've treated my body. Someday hopefully it won't be a nagging feeling... It'll be more positive.

As you can see, my mind is royally messed up right now. So it's probably a good thing I haven't updated in so long, ha. Gave you a nice long break from this garbage I've got going on.

Not sure how I went from talking about how good things are to talking about how awful I feel about myself but that is the honest to goodness truth.

I love my job, my husband, my new home, my new town, my new friends, and my family. But I am having the hardest time loving myself.

I sincerely hope you all are doing well. Now that our internet is on, I will try to be better at keeping up with UE. It's helpful for me to write... Helps keep my honest. Plus, I miss you guys.

God bless.

'Night y'all!

Update: Moving!

Wow, can't believe how much has happened in the past month. As I said in my last post (which was so long ago you probably forgot!), I was offered an incredible position at a rehab center about 15 miles south the OK/TX state line (about an hour away from my parents' home and a little more than an hour from BDR's parents' homes). We were concerned about what to do regarding where we would live. We initially wanted to move closer to my hometown, where I thought I would be working. But since my new job is an hour away from there, we prayed on it and decided the best decision for us right now is to take a leap of faith and relocate to Texas. As a die hard, through-and-through Oklahoma girl, it was a shock to the system and pride to say "I'm moving to Texas", but the blow has softened with time and now I couldn't be more excited!

Two weeks ago, we put our home on the market. So far that's been our biggest worry, because no one has even come to tour the house. It's been pretty discouraging, but I know God is just preparing the right people/person to purchase our home. (Praying for patience on my part, though!)

Last week we put an offer on a home in the town I will be working, and it was accepted the same day (with some minor adjustments)! Overall, we looked at about 7-8 homes... But as soon as we saw this one, we knew it was perfect for us. It truly is our dream home, and we have no plans to move again anytime in the foreseeable future. Really, it's only flaw is that it's not as close to our parents' homes as we wanted... And despite that being a huge flaw, we're just going to have to learn to live with that. It is a great fit for us and the family we hope to have some day! Plenty of room for growth, and we couldn't be more excited!!

I will be starting my new job any day now. In speech pathology, your first year is what's called a "certified fellowship year". You practice under the advisement of a mentor for so many hours before you get your actual certification. In order to do so, you have to have a temporary state license by the Board of that particular state. I applied for mine two weeks ago and my license numbers just came in! That means that I can start working anytime. I can't tell you how thrilled I am about getting started. My mom and husband both were able to meet my future supervisor at work, and my mom was able to meet my mentor... And everyone has been so friendly and helpful. I just truly feel like this is where I'm meant to be!

Now we just need to get our pesky house sold! We close on the new house in mid-August, so we're really hoping to at least have an offer in on this house by then. Prayers are welcomed, if you have some to spare!

Sorry I haven't been updating as much. I have had plenty of time, I just haven't been staying up-to-date with blogging at all. Hoping that one day things will come into a new "normal", but for now, I have no complaints!

Hope you're all doing well!

Let Go, Let God

As you know if you've been reading UE for any length of time, I recently graduated from graduate school and have been looking for employment. A couple of weeks ago, after finding out again that I didn't get a job I was hoping for, I hesitantly turned in my resume to a job out-of-state (about 15 miles south of the OK/TX state line). When I received a call from the recruiter for this job site within the hour, I was none too pleased to answer. I had no interest in working out-of-state and really only submitted a resume to feel like I was making an effort, and as a last resort. The recruiter passed my resume on to the company's PR person and said they would be contacting me soon about an interview. Seeing as I wasn't interested in the job, I put it out of my mind. Last week, the director of the speech path. department called me to schedule an interview. I debated whether or not I even wanted to meet these people. Why would I go on an interview for a place I had no interest in working? But the woman I spoke with on the phone was unbelievably friendly, and really had me looking forward to meeting her and seeing the facility.
So last week I drove an hour and a half to interview with her, see the facility, and meet the staff.

I was overwhelmed.

Not only was everyone incredible warm, friendly, and inviting... They were knowledgeable, as well, and the facility was unbelievable. I've never seen a rehab center like this one. They work together so well and everyone really enjoys being there everyday. In fact, my interviewer asked multiple people "What can you tell Kaycie about working here?" and, I'm not exaggerating, every one of them said the same thing: "I absolutely love it and wouldn't want to work anywhere else." To put the icing on the cake, I found out towards the end of the interview that a majority of the folks working there are active Christians, and they frequently pray and fellowship together.

I was blown away.

Even more so when, after a two and a half hour long interview (that felt like 30 minutes), they offered me the job on the spot.

I told them that I was very interested, but had another interview the next day at a place in my hometown (where BDR and I were hoping to move). I told them I would let them know by early next week what our decision was, after we talked/prayed about it.

By that night, after I talked with Husband and my parents about it, I knew I didn't need to take the next interview... I knew that I had found the place God had been pushing me towards. So I called the morning after my interview and accepted their job offer.

I hadn't wanted to even submit my resume.

Now I realize I didn't want to submit it because what if I liked it? That would mean possibly moving to another state, and I never wanted to do that. I was afraid. Afraid to trust God's plan, afraid to do something new, afraid to make a big change, afraid... to let go.

I don't know what the next step is for us. We're certainly moving, but God hasn't made it clear exactly where to yet. Possibly my home town. Possibly a town closer to where I will be working.

Nothing is clear yet, except one thing:

Source: lamplightart.com via K on Pinterest

Away

I will not be posting in the next couple of days.

I have an interview this afternoon in Texas and another interview tomorrow in my hometown, so I'll be staying at my parents house tonight (no internet). Then tomorrow night we're going to a wedding.

So have a great Thursday and Friday. If I don't update on Saturday, I'll see ya Sunday!

Definition of Insanity

In my undergraduate program, one of our required courses was to take Orientation to Teaching. I remember very little from the class... One thing I distinctly remember is our professor reciting nearly every day this quote:

Source: Uploaded by user via Carrie on Pinterest

Now, whether or not Albert Einstein truly is the origin for this quotation is up for debate (as I just found out on Google)... But regardless... I remember her saying that repeatedly throughout the semester, and it stuck with me. 

There are mixed opinions about this quote. Some people say that it goes against another equally popular adage: 

Source: 365q.ca via Meredith on Pinterest

I can somewhat see that argument, but in a way I don't believe they're conflicting ideals. The second is just suggesting that you try again... Not necessarily that you try the same thing again. So I think they both could hold truth... But I'm digressing. 

I started this weight loss journey in January of 2011. I lost 30 pounds in the first 2 months and thought "heck, I can do this". And then... life happened. Since then I've lost another 30 pounds, but keep gaining/losing the last 15 pounds of that over and over again. I get under 240 and it's like my brain just shuts down and goes into binge mode. Which is where I've been for the past month. 

I've gained 16.5 pounds in the past 3 weeks. That is just silly. I mean, it's absurd. I know how to lose weight. I know what to eat, when to eat, how much to eat... How to exercise, where to exercise... Hell, I even started to enjoy exercising, if you can believe it. 

So what the heck is wrong with me?! 

I'm doing the same thing... Over and over again. 

I'm trying to eat healthy and move more and relying solely on my own motivation, self-control, and will power. 

And I fail every time. 

I am human and I am fallible. I make so many mistakes it's unbelievable. I know that this is unavoidable. 

But I get so down on myself each time I fail that it sends me into a tailspin of binging. I want to eat everything in sight because, in the back of my mind... I know I can lose it again and get right back to where I was.

Problem is... I don't move forward from "where I was". I get there and then stop. I reach that "minigoal" and my brain signals to me I've accomplished something and... What does this food addict do to celebrate something? 

Eat! 

I'm digressing again. Well, not really... but kind of. 

I need a change. I've become insane, if I'm going to pull from the quote my education teacher so frequently used. This is insanity. I eat the same foods and do the same exercises over and over and although they produce good results, it always fails. 

Something is missing. 

Here's where I might lose some of you, so forgive me if we differ in opinion or faith (or lack thereof, in some peoples' case): 

God is missing. 

As I said, I'm relying on my own motivation. My own self-control. My own will power. Instead of going to food for comfort, I'm trying to go to my mental strength for comfort. 

Problem is, I am so so weak. 

I haven't prayed through this. I've never once tried to be consistent on praying before meals/snacks, praying during a temptation, praying while overcoming a temptation, praying when Husband (or someone else) offers me something I know I can't have... I never tried. 

So, maybe what I'm saying is I feel both quotations are accurate. My recent diet/exercise endeavors are insane. I'm doing the same thing over and over and getting nowhere. My strength cannot lie within myself, because I don't have that kind of strength. I need God to help me through this. Instead of food or my own ego... I need His strength. I need his encouragement. I need his love to get me through. I need to depend solely on Him for comfort. 

I broke down speaking to my Lord last night and asked for His help. Tonight I spoke with Husband about it, so he would know where my heart is and where I have to go from here. I will need his prayer through this as well. 

I am going to try, try again... And with His strength, I know I can succeed. 

Source: lamplightart.com via K on Pinterest

 

If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section at: www.alltheweigh.com so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

 FMM: One or the Other

1. Shower or Bubble Bath?  Shower
2. Money or Power?  Money
3. Country Music or Rap? Country
4. Sunshine or Thunderstorms? Thunderstorms
5. Uniform  or Suit? Suit
6. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate
7. Beauty or Brains? Brains
8. Newspaper or Online News? Online
9. Marinara or Alfredo? I like a mix of both.
10. Lip Gloss or Lip Stick? Lip balm? I'm a chap stick girl all the way.
11. Beach or Mountains? Mountains... although my desire for the beach has grown lately
12. Talk or Text? Depends. Texting is what I do mostly, just because I can't always talk face-to-face.
13.  CNN or Fox News? Neither.
14. Cake or Potato Chips? So. Hard.
15. Movies at home or at the theater? Theater, most definitely.
16. Bar or Bookstore? I'm not real big on either. I buy books online and rarely drink outside of my home or someone else's home.
17. Rock or Pop? Pop, I guess?
18. Manicure or Facial? I've never gotten a facial, but I'm sure I would prefer that.
19. Book or e-reader? Book
20. Planes or Trains? Planes

Now it’s your turn to answer this week’s questions.  Don’t forget to go back to Kenlie's blog and link up in the comments!  Happy Monday, and Happy Memorial Day!