Big Girl, You Are Beautiful

AM Workout: 10 minutes pilates; 17 minutes cardio ab workout
Breakfast: yogurt
Lunch: Chicken Express tenders, fries, and corn nuggets
Snack: apple
Dinner: chicken carbonara pasta bowl from Domino's
PM Workout: 20 minutes walk with dog

Okay, so I fibbed. Turns out I am doing the Biggest Loser challenge this time around. It started Friday. I'm trying to invest a lot of time in it so I can stay focused and involved. Obviously the diet portion of BL hasn't set in for me yet. We have to wait for BDR's next paycheck to do a grocery run, and then the intensity can really kick in. Bray is doing it with me this time around, even though he can't technically be a part of the group (girls only now). So here are my stats in the beginning:

Kaycie:
     Starting Weight: 249.8 lbs
     Starting Pants Size: 18
     Starting Shirt Size: L-XL
     Goal for end of BL4: 220.0 lbs

Braylen's starting weight is 198.2. His goal is to get back to 180.

I've found that since all of this started in January, I am no longer afraid to talk about my body or the condition it's in. I know for most women in our society, their own dress size is a taboo topic of discussion, not to mention talking about their actual weight! In fact, I know some women who are so ashamed of the number on the scale, they are too embarrassed to join a weight loss group where the scale will be publicly displayed to the group. Maybe I just got to the point where hiding it was just making it worse. At my heaviest, I was ten pounds away from 300. That is not something I am proud of. However, until I came to terms with it... It held some kind of power over me. Like maybe if I ignored it long enough it would go away.

Beauty in all shapes and sizes.

I weigh 250 lbs. I am struggling to lose more because my food addiction has taken over yet again. I have stretch marks on my arms, back, midsection, belly, legs, and knees. However, I am no longer afraid to wear a bathing suit. I am no longer afraid to discuss my weight and weight loss journey openly and honestly with friends, family, and strangers alike. I am no longer afraid to undress with the light on. I am no longer afraid to look in the mirror. I am no longer afraid to call myself beautiful.

I know the steps I need to take to make myself healthy once again. I know the steps I need to take to feel comfortable in my own skin once again. I know the steps I need to take to love my body once again.

5'5"; 180 pounds; 46' bust; 33' waist; 48' hips; size 14
Absolutely beautiful.

Now I just need to put one foot in front of the other.

All images from Pinterest and Google

Post title from "Big Girl (You are Beautiful)" by MIKA

The Apology

• I didn't die. I'm still here and kicking. 
• I haven't read any blogs in probably a month. I am really sorry, and that's the truth.
• This summer didn't go quite as expected, and I'm still trying to figure everything out.
• I'm not dieting at the moment. Haven't been for a few weeks. To be honest, health isn't really my focus right now. That's awful to say, but it, also, is the truth. 
• I started my first intern rotation on Monday and will be even more busy than before. 
• I'm not sure when things will get back to normal enough for me to look at my blogger shortcut and think "I'm going to pump out something worth reading today". 
• I don't know what I'm going to do about Day 250 pictures. I don't know what I'm going to do when I start the diet again, because I've already gained back 5 pounds. I don't know if I'm going to still weigh-in every week. 
• I know I'm not doing the fourth round of Biggest Loser. I wasted everyone's time last round and didn't lose (gain?) anything from it. I'm not going to repeat that pattern with this round. 
• A lot of things are up in the air right now and I hate it, but I'm not sure how to change it just yet. 

I am sorry. 

The Ch-Ch-Changes Post

Breakfast: baked sticky bun and chocolate milk
Lunch: NONE
Dinner: chicken and vegetables
Exercise: 20 minutes kickbox bootcamp dvd (more like kick-my-butt-box bootcamp, which doesn't make sense but WOW)

We leave for a family reunion on Friday, so I'm cleaning my house to save myself from being insane when we get back. Upon cleaning, I realized I've been making some changes to make life easier lately... Both as far as organization/cleaning is concerned, as well as the diet. So, I'll share a few.

1. I've started limiting my soda consumption to two cans of Diet Dr. Pepper a day. To ensure I only drink two, I keep the case of soda next to the fridge and only put two into the refrigerator a day. We don't keep ice in the house unless we're having a party, and drinking a hot Dr. Pepper doesn't interest me in the least... So this guarantees I only drink the two I have cold. I also try to remind myself to drink all of my water before I can have my sodas, just to make sure I'm staying hydrated. 
2. It seems like every time I do laundry, that last load always ends up staying in the dryer, never to be taken out and folded. I'm not sure why this is, but it's been happening for over a year. The last load, in the past, has always been whites. So Husband ends up having to dig socks out of the dryer once he runs out of clean, folded socks. Which is, ya know... Just tragic. So, to make sure all of the laundry gets dried and folded, I've started washing the whites first. I don't know why I always put them off until last before, but this new system seems to work to get everything done. 
3. Another laundry change... I've been forgetting to put in dryer sheets for, oh, maybe a year? I know. I'm a horrible housewife. I forget because they're in the cabinet behind something else and it just doesn't occur to me. So... I put them somewhere else. In plain sight. Amazing what the little things can do for you. Some of you are probably shaking your heads at me because you thought this little list would be useful for you, but it's actually already stuff you do normally because you're, ya know, normal. Eh. Just takes me a while to make small changes, I guess. 
4. Husband and I have started wearing socks to bed. I know... It's been over 100 degrees for the past 73 months and we're putting on more clothes to sleep?! Well, we had trouble with our last set of sheets getting snagged by our cavemen feet, so we decided to not ruin this new set... Which happens to be satin and much more snag-able. So far, so good. 

Okay so the list was much shorter than I anticipated it being. Go figure. 

I decided today that I can't do this sleeping schedule anymore. We didn't go to bed until 3AM, woke up at 10:30ish to have breakfast and then slept until 3:30PM. That is stinkin' ridiculous. I missed half the day! Except, not really, because I'll be up late tonight to even it all out. It's so silly. Normal people aren't on this schedule. Therefore, from the hours of about 11PM-3AM... Nothing is happening on the internet. And more than likely I've exhausted my DVR list and have nothing to watch. So I'm bored. And it's miserable cos more often than not Husband's at work so I don't even have him to talk to. He only responds to so many "I'm booooooored" text messages before he starts ignoring them.

I just feel like I'm wasting time, and I hate that. I'm going to attempt to go to bed by midnight tonight. We'll see how that goes. 

Okay, folks.. My whites just finished drying so I'm going to fold them. 

'Night y'all! 

The JP and Survey Post

Breakfast: 4 egg whites w/salsa; yogurt; chocolate chip cookie from Subway (leftover from yesterday)
Lunch: chicken-vegetable soup; apple
Dinner: Chinese food (fried rice, chicken, vegetables)
Exercise: 30 minutes pilates


And now because I have absolutely nothing of interest to share with you and because I get giddy about doing surveys, I'll share this with you (survey copied from Dawnya at Evolution of a Black Butterfly).


(BTW, I totally called that she would pick JP. From day 1. Seriously. I wish someone would've been there when I said "She's totally gonna pick him!"... Unfortunately, I only have Luke Puppy to back me up and he's sore with me right now for not taking him to the lake this weekend.)

He so wanted to go with us. =\
Darn you, algae, for infesting the lake!

(BTW, again, does JP not look like a 34-year old version of Joseph Gordon-Levitt (Cameron from 10 Things I Hate About You)?? Gah... He had me with that smile...)

I mean, am I the only one that saw this? Am I seeing things?

1. What is your occupation right now ? 

That would be Professional Student. 

2.What color are your socks right now?

I got no socks to hold me down.

3. What are you listening to right now?

Husband heating up a midnight snack in the microwave.

4. What was the last thing that you ate?

Chinese food. Yum. 

5. Can you drive a stick shift?

 Nope.

6. Last person you spoke to on the phone?

Husband. Last night at 2AM.

7. Do you like the person you stole this blog from? 
Certainly! 

8. How old are you today?

22 years young.

9. What is your favorite sport to watch on TV?

There are sports on TV? Huh... Who knew....
  
10. What is your favorite drink? 
Diet DP. Or a strawberry daiquiri. Or ice water. Or watermelon schnapps with Sprite Zero. 


11. Have you ever dyed your hair? 
Yes, I have! 

12. Favorite food?

Seriously, I'm the least picky eater ever. Anything home-cooked I'm pretty much fine with.
Oh wait, I'm fine with anything out of a drive-thru also. Dang. 
See, thus the obesity. 


13. What is the last movie you watched?
Moulin Rouge. For the first time, by the way.

14. Favorite day of the year? 
I'm pretty much a Christmas Eve/Christmas fanatic.


15. How do you vent anger? 
Depends on what I'm angry about. If I'm angry at my husband, I get entirely too passive aggressive. Other people, I vent about it to my husband and usually cry. Sigh.. I hate being a woman sometimes.


16. What was your favorite toy as a child? 
Favorite toy? Did I have one? I would say probably Polly Pockets. Ya know... Back when they could actually fit into your pockets. 


17. What is your favorite season? 
.... Winter.

18. Cherries or Blueberries?

Strawberries, please.

19. Do you want your friends to blog this survey?

If they'd like to! 


20. Where is you favorite place to escape?
My bed. (It's the only place I can consistently escape to... It's not like I have beach in my backyard)


21. Favorite TV Show?
Gilmore Girls.

22. Living arrangements?

We own a 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom house with a full finished basement.
Oh, and I'm shackin' up with this really hot guy who occasionally rubs my feet.

23. When was the last time you cried? 

I can't remember. It's been too long, I know that. 

24. What is on the floor of your closet?

Storage bins. I actually recently reorganized my closet floor (which used to be just covered in.. stuff) so now I have two bins: One for hoodies and one for shoes.

25. Who is the friend you have had the longest?

The friends I'm closest with now are newer friends (within the past 2-4 years).

26. What did you do last night?

Watched The Bachelorette for entirely too long.

27. What are you most afraid of?

Wasting time.

28. Plain, cheese, or spicy hamburgers?

There are spicy hamburgers? I'll go with cheese, please... And make it a double! 
(Oops, did I mention I'm gluttonous on occasion?)

29. Favorite dog breed?

Currently I'm interested in the Luke Puppy variety. 

30. Favorite day of the week?

It sounds ridiculously silly, but my favorite days are the days BDR has off (which changes every week).

31. How many states have you lived in?

Uno... The great state of Oklahoma! 
Or as my dad would call it... "God's Country"

32. Diamonds or pearls?

I'll take both, with a side of sapphire.

33. What is your favorite flower?

I don't have a favorite. Stick it in a vase and deliver it to my door and I'll love it forever (or until it dies).

The I'm Happily Pathetic Post

Breakfast: 4 egg whites w/onion; yogurt
Lunch: chicken-vegetable soup; apple; grapes
Dinner: 6" whole wheat turkey breast sub w/lettuce, spinach, black olives, and sweet onion sauce and two cookies from Subway
Exercise: 10 minutes yoga; 30 minutes pilates

I seriously didn't mean to put off this post until 1:18AM. However, I was under the impression that the season finale of the Bachelorette came on tonight, so I spent the past 5-6 hours getting caught up on all the episodes I've missed over the past few weeks. So then, much to my surprise, when I go to watch the "finale" I DVR'd tonight... It's just the dang "Men Tell All" special. Sigh... At least I'm all caught up for the actual finale tomorrow.

Oops, did I just admit to watching 6 hours of the Bachelorette in one day?

I can't help it. I get to be pathetic over summer break.

Summer break also means that my sleeping schedule is completely bonkers. I stay up until 2-3AM and then sleep until 12-1PM. But, ya know... I can't even apologize for that one. With a husband who works the night shifts and sleeps during the day... Getting to sleep in with him in the morning is basically the only time I get to spend an extended period of time with him.

Therefore, I will continue this bout of pathetic for the next three weeks.

And, hey, staying up extra late gives me ample time to do my workouts. Last night I started at 12:30AM... And tonight I actually managed to get it in early and was finished by 10:30PM!

Anyways, apologies for the late post. I fear they may/may not happen frequently over the next three weeks I have off from school.

Have I mentioned lately how much I love summer break? Or really any time that allows me to NOT drive to school everyday?

Ugh. This is heaven.

'Night y'all!

The Answered Prayer Post

Breakfast: egg whites w/onion; yogurt
Lunch: 2 turkey patties w/cheese; veggies
Mid-afternoon snack: ched'r bites and Orea blast from Sonic
Dinner: NONE
Dessert: 1/2 bag popcorn
Exercise: 30 minutes pilates, 10 minutes yoga

I had a hard time going to sleep last night (maybe due to the two hour nap I woke up from at 8PM?) so I pulled out one of my prayer journals and read through it. I nearly got teared up when I came across this night's prayer:

Dear God, I want to lift up my possible future husband to you. I don't wanna jump the gun and assume you're gonna give me one, but I sure do want it more than anything I've ever wanted. I don't know why I never thought to just straight up ask for you to bring him into my life, but it would be so fantastic to meet him. I lift him up to you now, Lord, and whatever he may be dealing with. Hold him in your arms and help him get through it knowing you're there with him. Thank you for all of the blessings he brings to others and the blessing I'm sure he'll be for my life. Prepare him for out life together, just as I ask that you prepare me for it. Help us to always have our eyes focused on you and to keep our relationship built on you. Help us to encourage one another in all areas. Please help me to have patience as I wait for him to enter my life. Open my eyes to see your plan for me. Amen.

This was written on March 1, 2009. BDR and I spent time together for the first time on April 16, 2009 and went on our first day on May 7, 2009. I am blown away to realize how quickly my prayers were answered. I had this desire on my heart for so many years and it wasn't until I honestly poured my hopes and pleas out to the Lord that it began to come true. Less than two months later, he brought me Braylen.

It, literally, takes my breath away.

You are amazing, God.

The Rake Post

Breakfast: yogurt and strawberries

Lunch: turkey chili

Mid-afternoon snack: chocolate chip cookie dough milkshake from Braum's

Dinner: turkey chili

Dessert yogurt:

Snack: popcorn

Exercise: NONE

Before I get into the point of this post, I just want to share my most recent blonde moment with you. I weighed in yesterday and posted about it... A day before I was supposed to. All day yesterday I thought it was Friday and since I weigh in on Fridays... I went ahead and did it. Oops! Well, I've got some good news to report... I weighed in this morning (when I was actually supposed to) and I'm down another dang two pounds from yesterday... Which puts me 6.4 lbs from Sunday... 239.4! I not only lost a bunch, but I'm back out of the dreaded 240's... And this time, for good! Just wanted to share that little bit of joy with y'all! 

_____________________________________________________

You know those projects that you keep putting off because what you have right now "works" and it's nothing essential? I decided to kick off my 3 weeks of summer vacation renovations with my necklace holder. Nothing too big or unmanageable, and I just so happened to find just what I was looking for today.

I was inspired a few weeks ago by something I pinned on Pinterest:

Source: twighome.com via Kaycie on Pinterest

And decided I had to try this. There were several other ideas I saw and loved, but this was the easiest to replicate and also one of the more original ideas, so I put it to the back of my mind and waited for an opportune time. 

Today, that time came. We were headed downtown (which consists of a 1/4 mile strip of antique malls, barber shops, and jewelry stores) to go to an old drug store that sells the most amazing milkshakes you've ever had. We didn't end up getting a milkshake (there), but along the way we stopped by four different antique stores in search for The Perfect Rake Head. Two stores just didn't have any and one had one but the prongs of the rake stuck straight out instead of bent and I didn't feel like taking the time to bend every prong. The fourth store (and by far the most packed to the brim) happened to have one and the little old lady who (I assume) owns the place knew exactly were it was hanging on the wall under about five layers of other stuff. It took some doing, but she was finally able to get it off the wall. And for $5, you can't beat it! 

So this is the picturebook story of how my rake jewelry holder came to be: 

Old necklace holder. Notice something?

Somehow, both prongs came off of this one side. Not at the same time either. About two years apart. I don't know how things like that happen.

My attempt to balance the new rake head.

Fits the space quite nicely, I think.

Plenty of space for what I have, and still has room to grow.

Added the twine bow.

My attempt to cover the nails. 

And then my attempt to make the bow look more girly. I cut this ribbon off of one of my dresses (you know those annoying ribbons they put on some dresses/tops so you can hang them easier, but all that they're good for is making you look silly by popping out of your clothes? Yeah... that's what this was.)

Ta-da! Finished product!

I didn't realize until I went to find the original pin on Pinterest how remarkably similar the rake head I bought is to the one I got the idea from. For some reason, when I bought mine I thought it was way smaller than the one I saw, but they actually look like they could be the same rake... They both have 14 prongs and everything! Creepy.

Anyways, this was my first project of many that I'll be posting over the next few weeks. At least, that's the plan! We made a list a week or so ago of all the little things we want to do to spruce up the house, so stay tuned!

'Night y'all!

P.S. Husband went with me on the Search for The Perfect Rake Head, and I'm happy to report that he didn't break a single thing in any of the four stores we went to. His mother was very proud. As am I. My baby's growing up. =] (Love you, honey!)